


run boy run

by pansexuaIeven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Miscommunication, One-Sided Attraction, POV Alternating, Pansexual Character, Teasing, snake!Isak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-21 21:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9568607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansexuaIeven/pseuds/pansexuaIeven
Summary: In the season 1 timeline, Eva decides to transfer schools after all and ends up at Elvebakken. When her and Even become friends and decide to fake date in order to make their exes jealous, what happens when Isak and Even meet?





	1. Chapter One

The day Even met Eva was not a good one. He had decided to take a break from his girlfriend of three years, Sonja. He loved Sonja and being with her, but ever since his bipolar diagnosis, their relationship had morphed from being equals to Sonja acting as his caretaker. She monitored his life and was constantly telling him what was good for him and what habits he had to break. Even knew she was only doing it out of love, but it was exhausting. He was tired of being treated like he was incapable of taking of himself. He was tired of feeling like he no longer had a girlfriend, but a babysitter. When he tried to express his thoughts to Sonja and suggested they take a break, she had simply scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

“Whatever you want, Even. I’ll be here waiting when you realize what a mistake this is. Just like I’ve always been here for you.”   
After their conversation, Even walked through the schoolyard, his head down and contemplating his next move now that he was free of Sonja for the time being. Suddenly, he found himself accidentally bumping into someone. 

“Oh- I’m sorry.” he said, glancing up to see a pretty girl with long brown hair who was adjusting her bag after being jostled. She looked up at him, a small smile on her lips.

“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t exactly paying attention to where I was going. First day of school and all.” she replied, biting her lip nervously. 

“First day? Where did you transfer from?” Even asked. 

“Nissen.” was the girl’s response as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. 

“Well, it’s a pleasure to have you here at Bakka with us. My name’s Even.” He extended his hand at the girl, smiling at her in attempt to ease her nervousness. She returned his smile and took his hand, shaking it. 

“Hi, Even. My name’s Eva.”   
_______________________________

Even liked talking to Eva. She was friendly, genuine, and funny. Their conversation flowed naturally as they were able to joke and tease each other easily. Even shared stories about his time at Elvebakken while Eva discussed her brief time at Nissen. 

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you decide to transfer after only a few months there?” Even asked. 

Eva’s face dropped, her easygoing grin quickly disappearing. She avoided eye contact, looking uncomfortable.

“Don’t feel like you have to tell me. I was just curious. We can talk about something else, if you want.” Even said quickly, not wanting his new friend to feel bad. 

“No, no. It’s fine. It was just- well, things got really bad for a while there. First, I lost my best friend and basically only had my boyfriend and his best friend. Then I began making new friends and everything was getting better, but I kept getting paranoid about my boyfriend and his ex. I thought he was cheating on me with her and when I confronted her about it, she deceived me about an innocent situation. So, I ended up cheating by hooking up with this third year guy at a party. I should have just told my boyfriend about it, but instead I hid it. But he ended up finding out anyway and the whole school turned against me, calling me a slut and leaving me nasty notes in my locker. It got really overwhelming so I decided to just transfer and have a fresh start at a school where I’m not completely hated.” Eva took a big sigh once she finished talking, and kept looking down at her hands, playing with her fingers nervously. Even was stunned for a moment after the revelation of all this information. 

“Wow. That sounds like a pretty shitty situation. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. No one deserves that, no matter what kind of mistake they may have made.” Even reached out and touched Eva’s shoulder as a gesture of support. Eva finally made eye contact with him and smiled. 

“Thanks. I still talk to the friends I made right before I left, but me and my boyfriend-well, my ex-boyfriend now- haven’t talked since I transferred. I hear a little about him through his best friend, but everything is still a mess between us. I just- I just don’t know what to do.” 

“Just give him some space for the time being and let him work through things. I’m sure things will work out the way they are meant to, one way or another. And although we haven’t known each other long, I can tell that you’re a great person, Eva. I’d be happy to be your friend here.” Even squeezed Eva’s shoulder once more and then withdrew his hand. Eva nodded, smiling faintly and their conversation picked up again like there was never an interruption. 

_______________________________

Eva and Even became close friends quickly, although they weren’t in any classes together. Sonja and Even’s friend groups had become so intertwined over their three years together that Even had to distance himself from them at school to avoid Sonja. He still cared about her and missed her, but he knew that he had to learn to manage his bipolar without relying on her. Even still texted with some of his old friends and occasionally hung out with them outside of school, but Eva was rapidly becoming his closest friend. They would Skype during times they were supposed to be studying and spend lunches together laughing and discussing their mutual love of cheesy pop music. Even preferred Gabrielle, while Eva’s guilty pleasure was Justin Bieber. He hadn’t yet felt comfortable telling her about being bipolar, but they bonded over their feelings of being recently single and Even trusted her. 

“So, I was talking to my friend Noora today- you know, from Nissen?- and she mentioned there’s going to be a party on Friday and that she wants me to come and hang out with everyone again.” Eva shared as they ate lunch together one day. 

“A party? That sounds fun. Are you going to go?” replied Even, popping another chip into his mouth.

“I don’t know. I kind of want to go, but I heard Jonas will be there with some girl he’s supposedly dating now. Plus, some of the girls who gave me a hard time are supposed to be there too. I don’t want to go only to have a bad time, you know? I’m finally getting to a place where I’m getting over what happened at Nissen and I don’t want to make things bad all over again.” Eva sighed and rested her chin on her hand, looking contemplative. 

“Jonas is dating someone new? Shit, Eva. I’m sorry, that sucks. But you shouldn’t let him hold you back from hanging out with your friends. And screw those Nissen girls, they aren’t worth your time. You should go and show them that they can no longer affect you.” 

“It’s not that easy, Even. You know how hard it is for you seeing Sonja around school and she’s not even dating anyone. Imagine how it’s going to feel for me to see Jonas with someone else. It hasn’t even been that long since we broke up. I mean, I know I screwed up by cheating on him, but I didn’t think he would move on this fast.”

Eva looked so upset that Even’s heart clenched in pain for her. They may not have been friends for long, but Even had grown to care about her a lot. He hated seeing her in pain, especially in contrast to her usual happy demeanor. As he looked at her, an idea suddenly came to him. He leaned forward, putting his hand on Eva’s arm.

“Eva. I have an idea. How about I go to the party with you and we pretend like we are dating?” 

Eva’s eyes snapped up to Even’s, surprised and confused. 

“Even, what are you talking about? Why would we do that?” 

“Think about it. Jonas is going to be there with whatever girl this is that he is dating now. Those girls who have nothing better to do with their lives other than to worry about you will be there. What better way to show them that you are no longer upset and are happy now than to show up with a new boy toy? I’ll be the boy toy, of course.” Even leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling brightly at Eva. Eva bit her lip and seemed to be considering Even’s words. 

“But…we’d have to lie to our whole friends. We can’t risk it getting out. Even just telling one person would be too risky. If it got out that I invented a boyfriend, then I would really never live it down and become even more of a laughingstock at Nissen.” 

“So, we won’t tell anyone then. I don’t have a problem with that. We can do this for a month or two, enough to show Jonas what he is missing. Then you can dump me and no one will be none the wiser.” Even said reassuringly. 

“But, what about Sonja? Do you really want her thinking that you are dating someone else? I thought you wanted to get back together with her.” Eva still looked skeptical. 

“Yeah, I do. Eventually. Not right now though. I’m tired of her trying to control me and my life. Right now she’s too confident that I will come running back and that things will pick up right where they were with no changes. Seeing me with you may help her realize that there are things that she needs to change for us to be happy together. So, you see, this is really a win-win situation for both of us. You’d be doing me a favor, Eva.” 

Eva quietly looked at Even for a few more moments before she slowly began to smile, her entire face lighting up. Even grinned back at her and knew that he had her. 

“Okay, you’ve convinced me. I’m in. So we will make our couple debut at the party this Friday, but I’m going to let my friends know beforehand that I’m going to bring a guy, just to get the ball rolling. I still talk to Jonas’ best friend too, so I’ll drop a hint or two to him as well. Thanks so much for this, Even.”

“Eva, really, it’s like I told you. You’re doing me a favor with this too. I’m honored to have you as a fake girlfriend and this works out well for both of us. Nothing will go wrong, I promise.”   
______________________________

For the next few days, Even and Eva plotted out the details of their fake romance and came to an agreement on the boundaries for their arrangement. They agreed that casual affection was a must to sell their story, and decided that kissing would also be essential, as no one would buy a new couple that never kissed. As planned, Eva let her Nissen friends know that she would be bringing a guy to the party. Even met Eva at her place and they walked to the party together. Eva became visibly more and more nervous the closer they got, so Even wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her into his side. He kissed the top of her head affectionately and leaned back to smile at her. 

“Relax. It’s going to be okay. We got this.” he said, rubbing her arm where his hand was resting. Eva softened and grinned back at Even as they slowly approached the house where the party was being held. 

“Thanks again, Even. I guess it’s now or never.” Eva replied as she opened the door, not even bothering to knock. They walked inside, Even moving his arm from Eva’s shoulder and instead going to grab her hand. He squeezed it reassuringly as Eva led the way, moving deeper into the house towards the sound of the thumping music. They soon encountered a blonde girl who greeted Eva enthusiastically. 

“Eva! I’m so happy you decided to come! I miss seeing you at school! How have you been?” the pretty blonde smiled and reached out to give Eva a hug. Eva let go of Even’s hand to return the hug and Even watched as the two girls embraced. 

“I’ve missed you too, Noora. I have no one to keep me company in Spanish anymore. Oh, and this is Even, the guy I was telling you about.” Eva grabbed Even’s hand again and pulled him forward a step so that he could greet Noora properly. 

“Hi Noora, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.” Even gave her a friendly smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Even. Eva has talked about you too, but I didn’t realize that you two were dating now.” Noora said as she smiled back at Even. 

“Oh- yeah, it just happened recently. You know, one day you’re just friends, and the next you’re making out. Then it was pretty natural to transition into dating.” Eva rambled, looking a bit nervous but sticking to the planned story. Even smiled and nodded as Eva spoke, gazing at her fondly to sell the part of a love-struck couple. 

“Eva’s right. After kissing her, I realized how my feelings for her had turned into more than friends. The whole dating thing is a new aspect to our relationship, but I think it’s going well so far.” He winked at Eva and Noora gazed at them, considering. 

“Well, you guys make a cute couple and you seem to be happy so that’s great. It’s good to see you smiling again after everything that happened, Eva.” 

“Thanks, Noora. So, where is everyone else? We have so much catching up to do!” 

“They’re in the next room, let’s go join them. I’m sure they would love to meet you too, Even.” 

Noora and Eva talked as they walked, with Eva still grasping Even’s hand. They came up to a group of girls and Even was introduced to Sana, Vilde, and Chris. All of them were welcoming and seemed to buy their dating story. They all settled into an easy conversation, bantering amongst themselves. Even enjoyed watching their interactions and would chime in whenever he could. However, after a bit of time, he suddenly felt Eva tense next to him. He bent down to whisper in her ear. 

“Everything okay?” he said quietly, ensuring that no one else could hear.

“Jonas is here. Over in the corner with the brunette.” Eva replied under her breath. 

Even straightened up, looking around to see what she was talking about. Eva had shown him a picture of Jonas once and it wasn’t hard to recognize those eyebrows. Jonas was indeed talking to a girl, leaning in intimately as they laughed together. As Even watched, he saw Jonas take a quick glance over at Eva. He knew this was their chance. 

“Come on, let’s dance.” he said to Eva, grabbing her hand and beginning to pull her towards the dance floor. 

“What? Even, why?” Eva said incredulously even as she readily followed him. 

“Because I want to dance with you, and Justin Bieber is playing, and you know how both of us feel about the Biebs.” Even smiled at her as they joined the throng of dancing bodies. Eva rolled her eyes at Even but wrapped her arms around him and began to move against him. Even returned the gesture and leaned in, whispering in her ear once more. 

“Jonas is looking at us. Let’s give him something to really be jealous about.” Even leaned in and kissed Eva, allowing her to take the lead to ensure that she was comfortable. Eva returned his kiss, deepening it a bit. After some time, she pulled back and they continued dancing, making sure to move closely against each other to give Jonas a show. When the song was over, Even and Eva walked back over to the others with Even’s arm around her shoulders. Even snuck a look at Jonas and noticed that he was looking over at them again, his expression stony. He smirked, knowing that their mission was successful so far. 

“Hey, I’m going to go outside to smoke for a minute. Will you be okay in here?” he asked Eva. 

Eva gave him a hard look and he knew it was because of how she felt about marijuana. She had shared with him her disapproval for the drug and disdain when Jonas had picked up the habit. But they weren’t really dating and thus Eva knew she had no real say in the matter. She sighed and nodded. 

“I’ll be fine, Even.” 

Even grinned and leaned in to kiss her cheek, muttering a quick thanks before making his way through the crowd to the backyard. As he stepped outside, he reached into his pocket to pull out a joint he had brought and his lighter. He leaned against the porch railing as he lit the joint and brought it to his mouth. As he looked out over the yard and inhaled his first hit, he saw someone join him on the porch out of the corner of his eye. He slowly exhaled and turned to see who had joined him. 

When Even saw him, he stopped in his tracks. The guy was beautiful. He was tall, although not as tall as Even himself. He had a beanie on with some blonde curls escaping. His face was striking and Even’s eyes were drawn to his thin lips as the stranger gave him a small smile. 

“Hi.” Even said, feeling nervous. 

“Hi.” the guy quietly replied, not quite making eye contact. 

“Um-want a hit?” Even offered out his joint to the stranger, unsure of how else to make conversation. The stranger looked down at Even’s outstretched hand and seemed uncertain for a moment. However, his expression soon smoothed over and he nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” He took the joint from Even’s hand and took a drag, blowing the smoke out. Even tried not to stare but found it difficult not to keep sneaking glances at the stranger. 

“So, are you from Nissen?” he asked, wanting to somehow strike up a dialogue. 

“Yep, I’m a first year. How about you?” 

“Third year. Bakka.” replied Even as he took the joint back and took another hit himself. 

“Cool.”

The guy nodded, not saying anything else. Him and Even continued smoking peacefully, occasionally passing the joint back and forth. Even found himself reluctant to go back inside and leave this stranger’s side. Something inside him almost felt drawn to the guy, even though they had barely spoken to each other.

“So, what kind of music do you like?” Even asked, hoping to draw this guy out of his shell a bit. 

“Music? Oh, well I like 90’s hip-hop a lot.” 

“90’s hip-hop? Have you listened to Nas, then?” 

“Nas? Nas?” the guy repeated, drawing the name out a bit the second time. 

“So, you haven’t heard of him?” Even said, amused by the guy’s clear confusion.

“What? Of course I’ve heard of him!” came the reply, the stranger seeming indignant at Even’s response. 

“Okay, so what’s your favorite album then?”

The guy deflated a bit and Even knew he had caught him. 

“Fine, so I haven’t listened to him then. I’m more of a NWA guy myself. That’s the real cool stuff.” 

“NWA is a cool group” Even agreed easily, “but you should definitely check out Nas. He had one of the greatest albums of all time, ‘Illmatic.’ I mean, he’s no Gabrielle, but he’s a legend in his own right.” 

The stranger began laughing and Even grinned happily.

“Gabrielle? Gabrielle?! Really??” he got out in between his laughter. Even began laughing as well.

“Hey, Gabrielle is a national icon and I won’t hear anything against her! I bet you have your guilty pleasure artist. Come on, ‘fess up!” The guy finally looked over at Even and Even’s breath caught at the eye contact. This guy was doing things to him. 

“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone. It’s Jason Mraz, all right? I’m a sucker for that song, ‘I’m Yours.” 

“Jason Mraz?! You laugh at Gabrielle while you enjoy Jason Mraz?!” Even said teasingly and they began laughing together again. As their laughter continued, Even felt butterflies appearing in his stomach. The guy had a beautiful smile and his laugh brightened his face. He went to speak again, when Eva opened the door and joined them outside. 

“Oh! I see you two have met!” she said as she walked up to Even’s side. 

“Eva! You came!” the stranger said, smiling at her. 

“I came. Have you guys introduced yourself to each other yet?” Eva asked. 

“No, we somehow skipped over that part.” Even said sheepishly. 

“Well, Isak, this is Even. My new boyfriend. And Even, this is Isak. Jonas’ best friend.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for isak's perspective!

Isak stared at Eva in shock after her revelation about Even. This was the guy she had told him about? The new guy that she was dating? Even seemed a little surprised too and Isak could only assume that it was because he realized that he had been talking to the best friend of his girlfriend’s ex. However, Even’s face quickly smoothed over and he offered Isak a friendly smile.

“Hi, Isak. It’s nice to meet you finally. Eva’s told me some things about you.”

“Yeah, it’s- it’s nice to meet you too.” Isak replied nervously. Eva grabbed Even’s hand and smiled at Isak.

“Yeah, Isak, I told Even about your amazing rapping skills.” she teased and Isak felt himself blush as Even began to laugh.

“Oh yeah, I would love to hear those for myself sometime, Isak. Let’s see if you can put Nas to shame.”

“Just you wait. I’m the master of rapping. No one raps better than me.” Isak joked and felt his heart clench as Even laughed again. Even’s whole face lit up when he laughed and it was beautiful to see.

“Well, I look forward to hearing it then.”

“So, Isak. What’s up? How have you been? Things still okay with your family and at Nissen?” Eva asked, still grasping Even’s hand. Isak felt nervous at the mention of his family and Nissen. His family was one topic he tried to avoid as much as possible and Eva still had no idea that he was the one who had told Chris’ girlfriend about the hookup between Eva and Chris.

“I’m doing good. Things with the family are fine. Everything at Nissen is the same, just miss seeing you every day. How about you? Things going well at Bakka?”

“Yeah, I miss seeing you too, Isak. Things are going pretty good at Bakka though and it’s nice to be away from all that shit at Nissen.” Eva turned her head to smile at Even and he smiled back at her. Isak tried to ignore the jealousy he was feeling and gave a forced grin.

“That’s great, Eva. You deserve it.” And that, unlike his smile, was genuine. She did deserve to be happy. She had dealt with a lot of undeserved hate at Nissen and had no clue that one of her best friends was the cause of it.

“Thanks, Isak. Anyways, I just came outside to tell Even that Vilde wants to show him some things about russ on her phone. She said it’s very important to get a third year guy’s opinion. So, I guess we will have to catch up another time.” Eva said and begin to tug on Even’s hand to pull him back inside. Isak nodded, not wanting to stop talking to Even yet, but knowing that he had no real reason to keep talking to Eva’s boyfriend.

“Okay. Well, it was nice seeing you. Text me sometime and we can hang out. I really do miss you.”

“I will. We’ll arrange something soon. Bye, Isak.”

“Nice meeting you, Isak.” Even said, smiling at Isak one last time before him and Eva reentered the house.

After the door shut behind them, Isak stood there for a moment, thinking to himself about how unfair life could be sometimes.

_______________________________

“Hey man, where did you go?” Jonas greeted him as Isak walked back up to his side upon his return to the party.

“Oh- just needed some air so I stepped outside for a moment.” Isak replied, taking a big sip of his beer. He was pleased to see that Heidi, Jonas’ new hookup, had wandered off to somewhere unknown. Isak was decidedly not in the mood to deal with seeing her and Jonas all over each other, even with the comfortability of a high to contain his irritation.

“Oh, cool. I thought maybe you’d snuck off and gotten lucky somewhere.”

Isak laughed, hoping the fakeness of it wasn’t obvious to Jonas. He was really starting to get tired of having to pretend that hooking with girls was something that he was into. He knew he wasn’t yet ready to be open about his attraction towards guys, but the constant façade of trying to appear straight could be exhausting.

As Jonas easily continued the conversation, sharing a story about a drunk partygoer who had started breakdancing while Isak was outside, Isak casually looked around the room. His heart stopped for a moment as his eyes landed upon Eva and Even. They were standing close together, Eva’s arm around Even’s waist and Even’s arm around her shoulder as they laughed together about something unknown. As Isak watched, Even gave Eva a quick peck on the top of her head and she smiled up at him. Isak had to look away, not wanting to see any more of their affection.

“You see that shit too? I can’t believe Eva brought a guy to the party. Is she trying to rub this in my face or what? Especially after she was the one who cheated on me.” Jonas said, having picked up on what had drawn Isak’s gaze.

“What? Oh, yeah. She introduced me to him outside. Name’s Even, apparently.” replied Isak.

“Even? He looks so pretentious. Who does he think he is?” Jonas crossed his arms over his chest as he rolled his eyes and glanced quickly over at Eva and Even. Isak looked too and saw that they were now kissing. He looked away again.

“Yeah, man, I don’t know. He’s got nothing on you though, don’t even pay attention to them.”

Jonas looked back at Isak and smiled gratefully.

“Thanks, bro. I appreciate you being there for me during this whole thing. Means a lot.”

“No problem. What are friends for?” Isak smiled back, refusing to acknowledge the guilt in his stomach.  
_______________________________

A few days later, Isak was scrolling through Instagram, blissfully procrastinating on homework, when he saw it. Eva had posted a picture. It was of her and Even and was clearly taken at the party from the previous weekend. Even was standing behind Eva, his arms wrapped around her. They were both smiling brightly and Isak could see the happiness between them exuding from his phone. Eva had captioned the picture with a single heart emoji. As he kept staring at the picture, unable to scroll away, Isak felt his jealousy returning.

Did Eva and him really have to have the exact same taste in guys? He thought he had the hipster nerd market cornered, but nope, here was Eva, out here landing all the hipster nerds in Oslo. And of course, all of these guys were straight and into one of his only friends. Isak sighed deeply as he looked over the picture one more time, giving it the cursory double tap to like it. It was then that Isak noticed that Eva had tagged the picture. It appeared that Even had an Instagram, and wasn’t that interesting? He considered it for only a moment before deciding to click on the tag and view evenbech97’s profile.

There weren’t a lot of pictures on Even’s profile, and what was posted were mostly aesthetic shots from various places around Oslo. (‘ _Hipster nerd!’_ Isak’s brain helpfully provided). Isak noticed that there weren’t yet any photos of Eva, while there was one picture from a few months ago of Even laughing with a pretty blonde. Isak looked at this picture for a few minutes, feeling warm inside looking at Even’s smile. He really did like seeing him laugh.

Isak bit his lip, considering. It wouldn’t be weird to add Even, right? He was dating one of Isak’s close friends. They had talked at the party for a bit and Even had seemed nice enough. Isak could even make the argument that it would be unfriendly _not_ to add Even. It was Isak’s duty to make sure that Even knew that Eva’s friends were happy for their new relationship, after all. Plus, by adding Even, Isak could get information on him for Jonas. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer, and all that. Yeah, Isak was really just being a good friend by following Even and that’s all there was to it.

Before he could think any more about it, Isak quickly hit the follow button. He immediately put his phone down and flipped it over so he couldn’t see the screen. He felt nervous and a bit guilty suddenly and didn’t understand why. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him following Even. It was just one guy extending friendship to another guy. It was casual. Nothing more than that.

Just then came the ping of his phone to alert him to a new notification. Isak gave it the side eye, still feeling nervous. Slowly he reached out and turned the phone over. He kept his eyes adverted for a few more moments before finally sliding them over to his screen to check the notification.

_“evenbech97 started following you.”_

Isak started smiling, feeling pleased. See? Nothing wrong with following Even, nothing at all. Isak opened up Instagram again and went back to Even’s profile. He glanced over the pictures once more, contemplative. If he really wanted to make Even feel welcome with Eva’s friends, he should send him a DM and make him feel comfortable, right? Yeah, that was a good idea. Best to directly tell Even just how supportive he was of Eva and Even’s relationship. Isak clicked on the correct prompts to initiate a direct message conversation between him and Even and began typing.

 _isakyaki_ : hey even! cool finding you on here. nice meeting you on friday, you and eva make a great couple!

Isak sent the message, refusing to think too much about it. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just being a supportive friend. Soon after he had sent the message, he received a reply.

 _evenbech97_ : hey isak, yeah the party was a good time. nice meeting you too, even if you don’t know who nas is and can’t appreciate gabrielle’s amazing music. :)

Isak read the message over a few times, butterflies in his stomach. A smiley? Even was so friendly. He quickly wrote back, not wanting to let the conversation end here.

 _isakyaki_ : it’s not my fault that you have poor taste, even. but I did check out nas and you’re right about him, at least. Illmatic may have changed me forever.

 _evenbech97_ : see? i do know what i’m talking about. you need to listen to your elders, isak.

 _isakyaki_ : even, you’re only 2 years older than me. don’t call yourself my elder. that’s just weird.

 _evenbech97:_ i speak only the truth, isak. now that i’ve gotten you to appreciate the musical genius of nas, next up will be gabrielle. i will make it happen.

 _isakyaki:_ doubtful, but you can try. :) anyways, i’ve heard about you elvebakken nerds. all wannabe creative media and communication people. are you going to try and convert eva to being one of you all too?

 _evenbech97_ : isak! you wound me. words hurt, you know. and yes. i will convert eva before you even realize it. i’m very convincing. if you’re lucky, maybe i’ll even let you play a part in one of my “wannabe creative media” productions.

As Isak looked down at his phone, smiling at the conversation between himself and Even, he suddenly got another notification. It was a text from Eva. His smile immediately dropped and his nerves returned. Did Even tell her that they had been messaging? He reminded himself that he wasn’t doing anything wrong by talking to Even and that Eva would have no reason to be upset by that. Still, Isak clicked on the notification with trepidation at what it might say. As Isak read, he felt the guilt creep back in about what he had done to Eva.

“hi isak! it was so nice seeing you on friday and catching up! i’ve missed hanging out with you. I just realized i’ve never really thanked you for how you’ve always been there for me, especially with everything that happened at nissen. you’ve always been so supportive and willing to listen and give me advice. i just really appreciate it. anyways, now that you met even, maybe we can all hang out sometime like we talked about at the party? let me know!”

Isak felt a wave of regret wash over him. He had really never meant for things to go down the way they did. He never wanted all of those horrible things at Nissen to happen to Eva, and he felt terrible that they had led her to transfer to Elvebakken. He knew he had made a mistake by letting his jealousy over her relationship with Jonas overtake him. It had led him into betraying both of his closest friends and he still had yet to forgive himself for that. It was just so hard seeing her and Jonas be so openly happy together, while Isak had to walk around unable to be who he truly was and unable to share how he felt about Jonas. Isak had thought about coming clean about his role in everything that had happened, but he was terrified of losing both Jonas and Eva. He wouldn’t be able to cope with losing both of his best friends. He sighed, knowing that he probably didn’t deserve Eva as a friend. He was too selfish to let her go though and so he responded to her text.

“i’ve missed you too eva and i appreciate your friendship more than you know. i’d love to hang out with you and even- just let me know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i was really not planning on updating this so fast. but inspiration struck at 4 am and i stayed up until 7:30 am writing and here we are. (needless to say, any mistakes are my sleep-deprived brain's fault). i'm so appreciative of all the comments, kudos, subscriptions, and bookmarks i got last chapter. i'm really happy that people are enjoying this story, it means so much to me! it feels so good to be writing again after such a long time! all feedback is appreciated and really do help fuel some of my ideas for this fic. you can still come chat with me at pansexuaIeven on twitter (remember the l is actually an i). i'm thinking of opening a curious cat so i can get anons about this, if anyone's interested. we'll see. anyway, look for the next update within a week or so. (i know, i know, i said this last time, but monday-thursday really is busy for me!) we'll return to even's perspective then, as i plan on alternating POVS between the chapters. until next time!!


	3. Chapter Three

The following Monday after the party, Even was walking through the cafeteria at Bakka, looking down at his phone and smiling at the Instagram DM he had just received from Isak. They had been sporadically exchanging messages over the weekend, mostly talking about different songs they liked and giving recommendations to the other. Their messages had a teasing tone to them that could almost be perceived as flirty to an outside observer. However, Even had been careful not to cross the line. Sure, he had been instantly attracted to Isak at the party and enjoyed talking to him, but as soon as he found out about Isak being Jonas’ best friend, he knew he had to be cautious. Eva’s friendship meant a lot to him and he wasn’t about to risk exposing their fake relationship over a simple attraction.

Even so, Even couldn’t help himself from following Isak back on Instagram and returning his messages. They had formed an easy and natural connection in a short amount of time. It seemed like Isak’s shyness at the party was rapidly deteriorating the more that they talked. And even though Even was not quite willing to admit it to himself yet, he could feel his tiny crush beginning to grow more and more as their conversations progressed. He had accepted his attraction to guys a long time ago and had even kissed one before he started dating Sonja. He was comfortable with his sexuality and it was something that was known and accepted among most of his friends. Eva didn’t yet know about it, but that was only because it wasn’t something that had come up. When the time came, he’d gladly be open about it with her as well.

Even typed out a quick reply to Isak before sitting down next to Eva, smiling at her in greeting.

“So, girlfriend. How’s it going? Nice picture you posted of us on Instagram, I love new love.” Even smirked and Eva laughed, shoving his shoulder playfully.

“Shut up, Even. You know we were cute in that photo. All my friends told me so. They love you, by the way. Good job.” 

“Well, I am very charming. Hard not to love me, you know.” Eva rolled her eyes as she took a bite of her sandwich.

“Modest too, I see. But yeah, things are working perfectly. Vilde was texting me last night and said she heard Jonas was pissed about us showing up together. Evidently he’s the only one allowed to move on while I must do penance forever over my mistake with Chris.”

“Well, at least you know he’s jealous. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Exactly. It’s only a matter of time before he contacts me about this. Just gotta wait it out.” Even smiled and patted her hand.

 "You got this.”

“Oh!” Eva looked like she suddenly remembered something. “Speaking of, I was talking with Isak this weekend too. I’d really like all three of us to hang out soon. Since he’s Jonas’ best friend, I know he’ll report back to Jonas about us. That could help move things along quicker. Plus, Isak is a great guy, we’ve been pretty close for a while now. I’d like you to get to know him too.”

Even froze, his sandwich halfway to his mouth. Hang out? With Isak? His tiny crush was fine and manageable when they were only communicating through a phone screen, but actually seeing him in person? Experiencing that physical attraction again while getting to see Isak smile and laugh and joke? That was a bit more complicated. Not to mention, this would take place in front of his fake girlfriend, with whom he still had to maintain a believable façade of being newly and happily in love. Even quickly recovered and took a bite of the sandwich, chewing slowly to buy more time as he thought.

“Hang out with Isak? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked after finally swallowing. Eva didn’t seem to pick up on the shift in his mood and nodded quickly.

“Yeah, it’s a great idea. Trust me. Isak’s a good guy so I know he won’t be too invasive or make things weird, but he’s definitely going to be gathering information about us for Jonas. That will only fuel Jonas’ jealousy more. That’s what we need for our plan, remember?”

“I remember.” And now Even was stuck. Eva was right. This really was good for their plan and that’s what mattered. He was the one who had even come up with this plan in the first place and knew what it would entail. He just hadn’t planned on meeting and becoming so attracted to Jonas’ best friend, that’s all. But his loyalty and friendship to Eva came first. She needed him, and so he would be there for her.

“So, are you in? Isak said he’s up for it and free this Friday, so we could do something then?” Eva asked hopefully.

“Yep, I’m in. Let’s do this, fake girlfriend. Friday it is.” Even grinned at Eva and her face lit up.

“Yes! Thank you so much, Even. This is great. I’ll text Isak, get the details all set up, and let you know when and where. I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I.” As Eva turned to type on her phone, presumably sending a text to Isak, Even continued eating and considered the upcoming hangout. As nervous as he was, Even couldn’t deny his excitement to soon be in Isak’s presence again. He could do this. He could manage his crush on Isak and still help Eva out and be a good friend. He could.

 _______________________________

Later in the day, as Even was grabbing some books from his locker, he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He startled a bit and turned around to see Sonja standing there. Her arms were crossed and she had a determined glint in her eyes as she looked at him.

“Uh, hello.” Even greeted, feeling a bit unsure about why she had approached him. They hadn’t spoken that much since Even had decided to give their a relationship a break. He had wanted to distance himself a bit to really adjust to life without her. He had missed her a lot at first, but the ache had been waning slowly as his friendship with Eva progressed.

“Even, what is going on with you?” came her curt reply.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You’re already dating someone new? And a first year? Really?”

Oh. Even had been expecting this to happen ever since him and Eva had made their “relationship” debut at the Nissen party, but sometimes he forgot just how fast news seemed to spread in Oslo. He knew that Sonja confronting him was good, that it meant that his and Eva’s plan to make their exes jealous was working, but he also knew that this conversation was bound to be exhausting.

“Yeah, I am. Eva and I have been friends for a while now. Things just happened. I don’t know.”

“Things just happened only a few weeks after we broke up? After three years of us dating? Wow, Even. Nice to see that I meant so much to you.”

“Look, Sonja. I didn’t mean to hurt you with this, I’m really sorry about that. But I’m happy with Eva. Things are going well so far between us.”

“Really? So she knows about you being bipolar?”

And there it was. Sonja had done this numerous times after his diagnosis when they would get into fights about her controlling tendencies. Even would try to calmly explain that he needed a girlfriend, not a caretaker, and Sonja would get upset and throw it in his face that she had stuck by his side when so few others would have. He knew that Sonja had dealt with a lot when he was going through episodes before being diagnosed and that she was only trying to help him, but he had grown tired of the constant guilt trips. ‘You stick by someone out of love, not out of obligation or to feel morally superior.’ he would tell her when she would bring it up.  However, Sonja would simply brush off these statements and continue with her argument that very few people would be willing to be with a bipolar partner. She made Even fear being alone and paranoid about being unlovable. It was one of the reasons he had decided to take a break from their relationship: he needed to learn who he was without Sonja while also learning to self-sufficiently manage his bipolar disorder. He needed to regain that confidence that he was worthy of being loved even with a mental illness diagnosis. So of course, here she was, throwing out this same argument after believing he had started to move on without her.

“Sonja…” he sighed. “That’s really not any of your business anymore."

“So, she doesn’t know then. I thought so." 

“We haven’t gotten there yet. We only started dating recently. It hasn’t come up yet.”

“Well good luck with that then.” Sonja replied sarcastically and Even could tell that she believed Eva would not be fine with dating someone who was bipolar. He wanted to be mad, but at this point, he was over it.

“Thanks Sonja.” he replied just as sarcastically. They stood there, staring each other down. After a minute or so, Sonja’s tense pose sagged a bit and her face relaxed from its harshness.

“Even, really. How are you doing? Are things going okay?”

“Yes, Sonja, they are. Contrary to what you may believe, I really can manage my own mental illness by myself. I read the same literature as you, and I listened to the same doctors. I can do this, and I _am_ doing this.” Even knew that Sonja was only concerned about him, but he was tired of her acting like he was incapable of taking care of himself without her help.

“Even, I care. I’m sorry that you see that as me being overbearing. I’m still learning about how to manage this too, you know. Even though I’m not the one who is bipolar, it does still affect me.”

Even was surprised. This was the first time that Sonja had admitted to possibly being wrong in how she had dealt with his diagnosis. He felt a surge of regret and sadness for how their relationship had been transformed into this bitter thing. His diagnosis had been hard enough to process when considering how his own life would be altered. Somehow, he hadn’t given nearly enough consideration to how Sonja’s would be changed as well.

“I know, Sonja. I’m sorry too. It’s just-well, you know. This is hard to handle. I’m still processing everything. I’m still learning how to live with this. But I really am doing okay with everything. I’m taking my medication. I’ve cut down on the drinking and smoking. I’m attending my appointments like I’m supposed to. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m getting there.”

“Cut down? Even, you know you shouldn’t be drinking or smoking at all.”

“Sonja….”

“Okay, fine. Whatever. It’s your life. Not my problem anymore. It’s Eva’s now, right?” she snapped back and just like that, here they were again. One tiny step forward, only to be followed by two big steps backwards. Right when Even thought they were making progress and learning more about how to healthily communicate about this.

“That’s right.” he replied, not wanting to give in to the obvious bait. Sonja crossed her arms over her chest once more and scoffed.

“Thanks, Even. I’m done with this conversation. Good luck with Eva. I hope she can accept you once she finds out everything.”

Before Even could respond, Sonja spun around and walked away quickly, shaking her head in disgust as she went. It was probably for the best, Even decided. The conversation was clearly only going to go around in circles with nothing actually being resolved. It had been the same situation in their relationship. Even did still miss her and wanted to get back together with her eventually, though. They had been together for so long and she was a familiar and comforting presence in his life. Even loved her and missed the old easygoing nature of their relationship. However, there was obviously still a lot to be worked through before they could return to that point. As Even watched Sonja storm down the hall, he saw Eva approaching. She smiled easily at him and leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi. Everything okay? Sonja looked pissed. What did she want?” she asked him. Even smiled back at her, feeling instantly comforted by her presence.

“Everything’s fine. The rumors about us just finally got back to her so she had to confront me.” He wasn’t yet ready to tell Eva about being bipolar. He wanted her to know eventually, but he also knew that he wasn’t obligated to disclose his disorder to anyone.

“Oh, shit. That was fast. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Eva, I’m fine. This is what we wanted to happen, remember? We already know Jonas is fuming himself. It’s all working out, just like we said.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I only wanted to make sure that you were still okay with the reality of this.”

“Yep. No regrets.” He grinned at Eva reassuringly and threw an arm around her shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Well, that’s good. Anyway, walk with me to class real quick. I have to tell you this story Noora told me about her roommate Eskild. Evidently, he was getting a blowjob while listening to some Lion King song, can you believe that?”

As they began walking down the hall together, Even smiled to himself. He really was content with his life at the moment. He was learning how to no longer rely on others and no longer felt suffocated by his own girlfriend. He had found a great new friend in Eva, and was slowly being integrated into her own social circle. It felt good to be branching out into the unfamiliar and he could only feel excitement at what other new experiences may be waiting for him.

_______________________________ 

 _isakyaki:_ so, seems like we’re gonna be hanging out on friday. don’t think this means that attempted conversion of me into a bakka creative media nerd is going to work.

Even was laying on his bed, attempting to work on homework when he received the DM from Isak. He grinned at his phone, both happy for the distraction and to hear from Isak. He set his homework aside and typed back a response.

 _evenbech97:_ don’t count me out yet, isak. you haven’t seen yet just how persuasive i can be.

 _isakyaki:_ haha. i’ll never give in!

 _evenbech97_ : :) we’ll see about that.

 _isakyaki:_ so, what’s up? doing anything fun or exciting?

 _evenbech97:_ nah, just working on some homework. us creative media nerds have to keep our grades up, you know.

 _isakyaki:_ at least you’ve finally accepted the fact that you are a nerd. i’m proud of you, even.  acceptance is the first step.

 _evenbech97:_ excuse me. i think you forgot what social media platform we are talking on. which one of us has illuminati memes and a face in the hole simon & garfunkel meme on their page?

 _isakyaki:_ …..no comment.

 _evenbech97:_ that’s what i thought. join me here in nerd land, isak. remember, acceptance is the first step.

 _isakyaki:_ shut up. not my fault you’re one of those pretentious hipster nerds with an aesthetic account.

 _evenbech97:_ aw, isak. are you jealous? it’s okay, i can teach you how to get a nice aesthetic on your account too.

 _isakyaki:_ now you want me to become a hipster nerd too? is there no length you will go to?

 _evenbech97:_ we all have a hipster nerd inside of us waiting to be let out. don’t be afraid of yours. it’s okay, i’m here to support you in this.

 _isakyaki:_ even…just no. not gonna happen. i’ll stick to my memes and you stick to the artsy shots.

 _evenbech97:_ ugh, fine. but don’t pretend you don’t enjoy my artsy pictures and flawless aesthetic. it’s okay. your secret is safe with me.

 _isakyaki:_ …..anyways. but for real, i have my own homework i’ve been avoiding so i should probably go do that.

 _evenbech97:_ nerd.

 _isakyaki:_ shut up. hipster. i’ll see you on friday. :)

 _evenbech97:_ see you then :)

 _______________________________

Friday arrived sooner than Even could have imagined it would. Eva had told him that they were just going to keep it simple and hang out with Isak at her house. Her mother was on another business trip, so it would only be the three of them there. Even was still nervous about seeing Isak again, especially as they had kept progressively messaging more and more as the week had gone on. His crush was no longer so easy to ignore. Still, he was also excited to see Isak, even though he would still have to play the part of Eva’s happy new boyfriend. He would just have to be careful to avoid crossing a line and arousing Isak’s suspicions about his and Eva’s relationship.

“Hi Even!” Eva greeted as she opened the door for him at her house. “Isak’s already here, he’s in the living room. I figured we could just watch TV and chill for a while.”

“Hey. That sounds cool. You ready for this?” Even lowered his voice on the last part, not wanting Isak to overhear.

“Yeah, I’m more than ready. It’s time to really get this plan going. How are you, are you ready?”

“Of course I am. Let’s go.” Even smiled at Eva and grabbed her hand, walking with her into the living room. Sure enough, Isak was already sitting down and watching some television show that Eva had put on. His body language looked a bit tense and Even was relieved that Isak also seemed to find this whole thing as awkward as he did. As him and Eva entered the room, Even saw Isak take a quick glance at their joined hands and look away back to the TV just as fast.

“Hey, Isak. Nice to see you again.” Even said, trying to set the atmosphere at ease. Him and Eva sat down on the opposite couch from Isak. Their hands broke apart, but Even put a hand on Eva’s thigh to maintain the affection.

“Hey, Even. Yeah, good seeing you.” Isak was still tense and not really making eye contact. Even frowned.  Eva looked back and forth between them, seeming to pick up on the weird vibes. 

“So, Isak. How are things at Nissen? I hear a bit from Vilde, Noora, and the others, but I know you guys don’t really hang out together.” she asked, trying to steer the conversation into a comfortable place.

“Things at Nissen are good. Classes are going well. Miss having you around, though. No one’s grades to laugh at anymore.” Isak smirked playfully at her and Eva laughed.

“You always did enjoy laughing at my grades. Sorry I’m not a fan of playing trivia games like you and Jonas.”

At this, Even quickly turned his head to look at Isak, smiling slowly. Isak had started to blush a bit and glanced at Even before turning back to Eva.

“I just know random facts, Eva, it’s not a huge deal. Who doesn’t know the first female prime minister of Norway, anyway?”  

As Eva laughed again, Even’s smirk continued to grow.

“Well, well, well. Isak’s true inner nerd is revealed.” he said, and was delighted when Isak’s blush spread and Isak rolled his eyes in embarrassment.

“Shut up, Even. Like I said, I just know random facts. And I like getting good grades. That doesn’t make me a nerd.” Isak finally turned to look at Even, and Even felt a swooping sensation as he was faced head on with Isak’s huge smile. He had forgotten just how attractive that smile was.

“Nah, maybe those things don’t make you a nerd, but your Facebook profile picture probably does.” Eva said. At this, Isak’s eyes got wide and he quickly buried his face in his hands. Even probably shouldn’t have found it as endearing as he did.

“Wait, what? What Facebook profile picture?” Even had a Facebook, but he didn’t use it much anymore, so he hadn’t bothered tried to look up Isak on there.

“Eva, no. Even doesn’t need to see that.” Isak had pulled his hands away from his face and was looking at Eva imploringly, trying to convince her. Eva was nonplussed and kept laughing as she grabbed her phone. Even watched as she clicked into the app and went to her friends list and scrolled down until she reached Isak’s profile. She selected to view his profile picture so that it would take up most of the screen and handed her phone over to Even so he could see it easier. When he saw it, Even began laughing, unable to believe what he was seeing. It was one of those Spider-man 3 derp memes from years ago. Isak truly was a dork. As he laughed, Even looked back at Isak, who had returned to hiding his face in his hands.

“Really Isak? I thought the Simon & Garfunkel meme was as nerdy as you got, but you really managed to raise the bar with this profile picture. How old is this meme, anyway?”

“Shut up. It’s funny.” Even could hear Isak mumble. Isak slowly lifted his face up and Even saw that his blush had only grown worse. Just then, Eva’s phone began vibrating in Even’s hand. He looked down to see that she was receiving an incoming call from her mom.

“Your mom’s calling, Eva.” he said as he handed the phone back to her.

“Shit, I have to take this. She’s been on my ass recently about my math grades. I’ll try not to be too long. Are you guys going to be fine?”

“Yeah, go ahead, we’ll be fine.” Even smiled as Eva leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. She then stood up, walking out of the room as she answered the call. Even turned back to Isak, who was still blushing and avoiding eye contact.

“So, you’re really that big a fan of years old memes, huh?” he asked, grinning as Isak rolled his eyes again.”

“Shut up, Even. You know it’s funny. The Spider-man derp meme is a classic. It never gets old.”

“I just find it amusing that you like calling other people nerds while you proudly display a derp meme on your Facebook. Not to mention your apparent love of trivia. Projecting much?”

“Ugh, fine. I’m a huge nerd who loves trivia and vintage memes. Are you happy now?”

“Very. Isn’t it nice once you’ve finally accepted yourself for who you are?” Even teased. However, he was surprised when Isak’s easygoing expression shifted into something more guarded at this statement.

“Uh, yeah. It’s great.” Isak replied quietly. Even was unsure of what he had said to change Isak’s happy mood. He instantly missed Isak’s bright smile and wanted to see it again. He thought for a moment before pulling out his own phone and walking over to the other couch, sitting by Isak’s side.

“Here, let’s take a walk down memory lane together. You can remind me of all these vintage memes you love so much.” Even said, playfully elbowing Isak in the side as he unlocked his phone and pulled up Google. He felt Isak relax minutely next to him.

“Okay, Even. It’s time for some education on the memes that blazed the way for all other memes to follow.” Isak grabbed Even’s phone from his hand and began typing, bringing up old memes that Even honestly had forgotten all about until now. Him and Isak laughed as they looked at them together and Even felt a warmth spreading throughout his body. Talking to Isak was so easy and joking with him felt so natural, like they had known each other for so long already. Isak was silly and a dork, but Even was so charmed by it. Even had already felt an instant physical attraction, but now the emotional attraction was growing as well. This was not good. Even could not be attracted to the best friend of his fake’s girlfriend’s ex.

As they continued to look at Even’s phone and joke together, Isak suddenly turned his face towards Even to say something else. It was then that Even realized how close they had gotten. Even’s laughter cut off sharply and Isak soon stopped laughing too. Even thought he saw Isak take a fast glance at his lips, but it was so quick that Even may have just been imagining it. The moment seemed to drag on, but Even knew he had to put a stop to it. Eva was one of his closest friends now. He would not mess this up for her. So, he subtly backed away from Isak, breaking the tense moment.

“Thanks for this education, Isak. I’ll have to show some of them to Eva, increase her own appreciation of meme history.” At this mention of Eva, Isak’s gaze dropped to his own lap and Even thought he saw some disappointment there. He refused to think about what that disappointment might mean.

“Yeah, show her. She really doesn’t appreciate my memes as much as she should.”

“What don’t I appreciate?” Eva said as she walked back into the room, looking between Even and Isak with interest. Even got up from the couch and went over to give Eva a quick kiss, knowing the importance of needing to show off their fake relationship after that moment with Isak. 

“Isak’s memes. He was just showing me some of them while you were gone and it brought back some nostalgia. I’ll have to show you later.” he replied easily, refusing to look at Isak after the kiss.

“Yeah, I was just telling Even how you don’t appreciate the classics.” Isak said, looking a bit uncomfortable but still managing to smile at them. Eva rolled her eyes as her and Even sat back down in their spot on the couch.

“Good luck with that, Even. Isak’s been trying to make me laugh at those tired memes for far too long now.”

As the conversation picked back up into a rhythm, Even began to feel more and more uneasy with the current situation he found himself in. He cared about Eva, a lot. She had been there for him while he was still struggling with his breakup from Sonja and his self-imposed isolation from his other friends. And in turn, he had been able to help her through a difficult period in her own life. She had come to be such a big part of his life in such a short period of time. He knew how important this fake relationship plan was to her and how hopeful she was that it would eventually lead to a reconciliation with Jonas. However, at the same time, he couldn’t deny his growing feelings for Isak. He had never felt such a natural chemistry with anyone before, including Sonja. He thought this plan would be easy- have fun with a friend, help her out, while simultaneously making Sonja jealous and hopefully leading to his own reconciliation with her. So of course, things were rapidly growing to a place where he was slowly losing control. Even took a deep breath. He had to ignore his feelings for Isak, at least right now. He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo! my longest chapter yet, and over 10k words total so far. i really wanted to try and write longer chapters because i know how much i enjoy fics with nice long chapters, so hopefully this is a trend i can continue as this story goes on. anyways, thanks so much for all the lovely comments and kudos! reading the comments and thoughts you guys provide has helped inspire some of the writing in here, so thank you again for that. it means so much to me that people are actually enjoying this. i realized that this fic technically qualifies as a slow burn fic for ~reasons~, but don't worry, it really won't be too bad of a slow burn. i promise. next update MAY be here sooner than expected, but if not, then probably by this time next week at the very least. you can come talk to me on twitter @pansexuaIeven (same story, l is actually an i). i also made a curious cat so if you want to ask me questions on anon about this story or anything else, you can find my curious cat link on my twitter!


	4. Chapter Four

“So, how did the hangout on Friday go with Eva and Even?” Jonas asked as he passed the joint to Isak so he could take a hit. Isak faltered a bit as he grabbed it , making sure to casually make contact with Jonas’ hand. He knew his crush on his best friend was hopeless, but he lived for simple pleasures like carefully planned contact between them. To a deeply closeted teenager, these tiny moments of indulgence were everything.

“The hangout? Oh, it was okay, I guess.” replied Isak as he took a deep hit from the blunt, holding the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could. He didn’t really want to talk about Friday with Jonas. He had been steadfastly ignoring that night and the weird charged moment he had experienced with Even, as he wasn’t ready yet to analyze what it might have meant. His life was already complicated enough at the moment, thank you very much.

“Okay? C’mon man, you’re supposed to be getting details on them for me, you have to do better than just okay.”

“What do you want me to say? We hung out at Eva’s, watched TV and talked for a couple of hours. They seemed happy, I don’t know.”

“Happy? In what way?” Jonas refused to let the subject drop and Isak sighed. It was so weird to talk about a new potential crush with someone you had been crushing on for the last year. Not to mention, talk to your crush about his ex-girlfriend, especially considering he had no idea that you were partly the reason behind the breakup. At the thought of Jonas and Eva’s breakup, Isak’s heart clenched in guilt. He owed this to Jonas. He could do this.

“They kept touching and holding hands and stuff. Laughing a lot too. They seemed pretty close.” Isak’s heart clenched again as he remembered how happy and affectionate Eva and Even were with each other. He was trying to be sparse on the details to spare Jonas’ feelings as much as possible, but it had hurt. Especially that kiss after Eva had returned and shattered the intimate moment between him and Even. That had hurt a lot.

“Ugh.” Jonas made a noise of disgust as he took the joint back from Isak’s outstretched hand. “I still can’t believe she’s already dating someone new. Did they say anything else? Like how it happened or anything?”

“Nah, not really. Just said that they met when Eva started at Bakka. Even’s a third year there, you know. I guess they became friends and things happened. I don’t really know, I didn’t want to ask too many questions and make it obvious.”

“Well, Eva does have a thing for third years now.” Jonas said bitterly as he took another pull off of the joint. Isak felt awkward, not knowing what to say. Constantly having to counsel his friend on his feelings for someone else was exhausting, especially considering Jonas had no suspicion that Isak’s feelings towards him were not strictly platonic. Dealing with his attraction to guys had been confusing enough, let alone dealing with attraction towards someone who had been his best friend for so long. Isak was so used to sharing everything with Jonas that having to hide this took a toll on him over time. But Isak just wasn’t ready to fully process his feelings and what they might mean. Ignorance really was bliss sometimes.

“I thought you were over this whole thing with Eva anyway, what happened with that girl from the party?” Isak finally broke the silence after a few minutes.

“Heidi? Nah, we were only having fun. I don’t actually like her.”

Isak couldn’t help but to smile to himself at this news as he watched Jonas stub out the used joint. He had been dreading having to see Jonas all over a new girlfriend in front of him yet again. Knowing that Heidi had only been a quick rebound was a relief, even if this didn’t make his crush any less hopeless.

“So then, do you want Eva back or what?”

“I don’t know. There’s still a lot that we have to work through, and we never really got that chance before she transferred. It’s like she didn’t even really try before moving on to this Even, though.”

“Maybe she just didn’t know what to say. Plus she was dealing with a bunch of shit from Iben and those second year girls, you know? She had a lot going on.”

“I get that, but that still doesn’t excuse her dating someone so fast. Like, first she cheats on me, then she just starts dating some random Bakka third year a month later? What the fuck?” Jonas gave a bitter laugh, looking down at his feet. Isak felt the guilt creeping back in. Sure, he had wanted to break up Jonas and Eva when he had told Chris’ girlfriend about the cheating, but the reality of the fallout was more complicated than he could have imagined.

“Maybe Even’s only a rebound for her, like Heidi was for you?” After seeing them together, Isak doubted this was true but he had to try and make Jonas feel better. It seemed to work too, as Jonas lifted his head to look at Isak with a glint of hope on his face.

“You think so?”

“I think there’s a chance.”

“Well, what should I do then? I can’t just go running back to her, that would be pathetic at point, especially since she’s dating someone new. I would look so desperate and she’s the one who messed up, not me.”

“I think she mentioned her and Even are going to some party at that girl Noora’s place next weekend? I could try to get an invite and we can show up together. You can try to talk to her there. I’m sure Eva won’t make a scene, she wouldn’t want her new boyfriend thinking she still has feelings for you.” And if Isak partly wanted to go to the party to have an excuse to hang out with Even again, well, that was no one’s business but his own.

“Yeah, that could work. I can feel out the situation a little, try to get Eva alone, see if we can talk about things. Thanks, Isak. I appreciate it.” Jonas smiled at him and Isak felt the familiar butterflies in his stomach.

“No problem. I’ll text her and let you know the details once I get them.”

“And hey, maybe there will be a girl there for you to hook-up with?” Jonas nudged Isak playfully and Isak felt his heart sink. There it was again, the reminder that his best friend was very much straight and not into him whatsoever. Isak laughed weakly. This was not something he was in the mood to talk about, now or ever.

“Yeah, maybe. Guess we’ll have to see.”

Jonas seemed satisfied with this answer and picked up a game controller, handing it to Isak and then grabbing one for himself.

“Enough talk about feelings. Ready to get your ass kicked at FIFA?”

“You’re on."

_______________________________

_To Jonas:_ hey, talked to eva and got the invite to the party. 21:00 this friday. i got noora’s address and everything. you still in?

Isak sent the text to his friend and then opened Instagram, quickly navigating to his private conversation with Even.

_isakyaki:_ hello, fellow nerd. going to the party at noora’s friday?

Isak knew perfectly well that Even would be at the party, as Eva had just told him that he would be there with her. To be honest, Isak only wanted an excuse to send the older boy a message. They had still been talking since seeing each other on Friday, but things had been a little awkward and the messages had been sparse ever since that intimate moment. Isak missed the easiness of their conversations and the happiness he would get whenever a notification from Even would pop up on his screen. Sure, Isak knew that his feelings for Even weren’t purely platonic, but as long as nothing happened between them, it would be fine. And nothing would happen, as Even seemed to be as straight as they came, weird moment or not. His crush was harmless, Isak reminded himself, even as he couldn’t hold in a big grin when a message from Even appeared in the chat box.

_evenbech97:_ hey, meme historian. yeah, i’ll be there, sounds like fun. are you going too?

_isakyaki:_ yep. :) can’t wait, it’s been a long week.

_evenbech97_ : long week? anything i can help with?

_isakyaki:_ not unless you’re any good at chemistry. and seeing as how you’re a proud creative media nerd, i’m somehow doubting that you are.

_evenbech97:_ isak. you seem to have forgotten that i’m a third year.

_isakyaki:_ and….? what does that have to do with anything?

_evenbech97:_ it means i know more than you, obviously.

_isakyaki:_ ha! just because you’re older, it doesn’t mean that you know anything about chemistry, even. but hey, if i need a consult on a hipster film, i’ll be sure to let you know.

_evenbech97:_ really? still doubting my superior third year knowledge? okay, try me.

_isakyaki:_ uh, really? i mean, you could just admit defeat right now and save yourself some embarrassment. i won’t judge you.

_evenbech97:_ yes, really. i’m waiting, isak.

_isakyaki:_ okay, okay. hold on a minute then.

_isakyaki:_ k, here we go. this is a multiple choice one so maybe it’ll be a little easier for you. not as embarrassing.

_evenbech97:_ i’m still waiting, isak.

_isakyaki:_ jeez, have some patience. so: “how many moles of KBrO3 are required to prepare 0.0700 moles of Br2 according to the reaction KBrO3 + 5KBr + 6HNO3 ->6KNO3 + 3Br2 + 3H2O”

_isakyaki:_  your options are a) 0.210, b)  0.0732, c)  0.0704, d) 0.220, and e) 0.0233

_isakyaki:_ even? i’m waiting, even.

_isakyaki:_ i’m still waiting, even. it’s been five minutes now.

_isakyaki:_ even, it’s time to admit defeat. it’s okay, i’ll still be your friend even though you are hopeless at chemistry.

_evenbech97:_ ugh, fine. but that question was ridiculous. how did you expect me to get that?

_isakyaki:_ um, because you’re a third year who clearly knows so much more than me. duh.

_evenbech97:_ haha. shut up. what’s the answer, anyway?

_isakyaki:_ it’s e. clearly.

_evenbech97:_ of course, clearly. how silly of me.

_isakyaki:_ :) so, what have you been up to this week?

_evenbech97:_ just school stuff. nothing exciting like solving chemistry equations.

_isakyaki:_ haha, joke’s on you, because i really do enjoy science. it’s only the studying part that gets annoying.

_evenbech97:_ really? you actually enjoy science? not something i’d expect from someone who enjoys derp memes. you’re a true mystery, isak. what do you like about it?

_isakyaki_ : just how it’s constantly changing and how nothing in science can be actually proven despite what we might think. all the theories out there that can’t be proven to be true but that also can’t be proven to be false. it’s all so interesting.

_evenbech97:_ not sure i know what you mean.

_isakyaki:_ like, did you know that scientific proof of anything does not actually exist? there’s been so many things that have been touted as scientific proof that have later been shown to really be total bullshit. there’s actually only tentative scientific knowledge, rather than proven facts. so all these scientific theories out there could be false, or they could be true, and we might never know. like the one about parallel universes.

_evenbech97:_ parallel universes?

_isakyaki:_ yeah, you know, like that it doesn’t ultimately matter what choice we make in our life, because there’s infinite universes out there where we made infinite other choices and there’s infinite other scenarios taking place in these universes.

_evenbech97_ : so, a parallel universe where you chose a normal profile picture and not a meme one?

_isakyaki:_ you’ll never let that go, will you? but yes, along with a parallel universe where you have better taste and chose not to enjoy gabrielle as much as the you in this universe does.

_evenbech97:_ ugh, sounds like a universe i don’t want any part of. but really, that actually sounds kind of lonely.

_isakyaki:_ lonely? in what way?

_evenbech97:_ i don’t know. like think about it. like how insignificant and alone we really are if all these infinite universes are occurring simultaneously with our own. the only thing we really have is our thoughts then, you know? and there’s no way to escape those, unless we die.

_isakyaki:_ that’s really dark, even.

_evenbech97:_ have you never thought about it in that way though?

_isakyaki:_ nah, i was more thinking about the science of it.

_evenbech97:_ jeez, sometimes i forget how young you actually are.

_isakyaki:_ even...really...two years difference is not that much. enough of this wise and mature man narrative.

_evenbech97:_ haha, just wait until you get to be my age. wise thoughts galore. but i have to go now, see you friday?

_isakyaki:_ see you then

Isak set down his phone, feeling giddy after his conversation with Even. They had been able to fall right back into the rhythm and ease of their friendship. Isak could tell that his crush was only getting bigger, but he was too drawn to Even to attempt to pull back. Their connection was growing stronger and Isak was reluctant to put distance between someone with whom he experienced such natural chemistry. And, considering his feelings for Jonas, Isak supposed he was just naturally inclined towards punishing himself by wanting boys who would never want him back. As Isak read back over his messages with Even, smiling to himself, a text from Jonas popped up.

_From Jonas_ : yeah, i’m in. i’ll get all the details from you tomorrow at school.  

_To Jonas_ : cool, see you then.

After sending the text to his best friend, Isak thought about the forthcoming party on Friday and what it may bring. And although he was determined not to do anything to further risk his friendship with Eva, Isak couldn’t help but to remember his intimate moment with Even from the previous weekend and hope that another one happened. He really was addicted to punishing himself, but for Even, Isak had a feeling that it was worth it.

_______________________________

By the time Jonas and Isak arrived at Noora’s place on Friday, the party was in full swing. They could hear the music pumping from outside the door as they knocked. Within a minute, a guy with red hair opened the door, smiling brightly at them.

“Isak!” he said with excitement. Isak was confused. He was pretty sure he’d never seen this guy before in his life.

“Uh, do I know you?”

“Oops! Hi, I’m Eskild! Sorry, Eva mentioned that you were coming so I took a look at your Instagram. Hope that’s not too weird or anything.”

“Oh...okay. Well, hi Eskild. This is Jonas.” As soon as Jonas was introduced, Eskild’s excitement dimmed a bit and he looked suspicious.

“Jonas? As in Eva’s ex, Jonas?”

“Umm...yeah. Don’t worry, Eva’s cool with him being here. I talked to her about it already.” Isak lied as Jonas gave Eskild a winning smile in an attempt to win him over. He felt a little guilty about deceiving Eskild and blindsiding Eva, but he knew that he owed this to Jonas. Eskild considered them both for a moment more then sighed.

“Okay, but only because you two are cute. Come on in.”

Isak was a bit taken aback at Eskild’s obvious comfortability with his sexuality, but he grinned at Jonas, pleased that their plan was working so far. They followed Eskild deeper into the apartment until they arrived at what must have been the living room. There were around twenty people who were already there, either standing around talking to each other or on the makeshift dance floor grinding close together. Isak’s eyes instinctively looked around until they found Even. He was dancing with Eva, and they were cheesily singing the lyrics of some awful pop song to each other. As Isak watched them, Even’s eyes moved up to his, and Isak felt a shiver run down his spine at the electricity he felt at the contact. But, just as fast as it had occurred, it was over. Even returned to looking at Eva, who pulled him in for a kiss. Isak swallowed down the jealousy and disappointment he felt as he turned to Jonas.

“Come on, let’s get a drink. I think we’re going to need it tonight.”   
_______________________________

A few drinks later, Isak was pleasantly tipsy and found himself in the kitchen with Even, Eva, Vilde, and Eskild. Eskild was flirting shamelessly with Even, who was nursing his own beer and seemed amused by the attention.

“You’re just so....tall.” Eskild was drunkenly slurring as he grabbed Even’s arm. “I love a tall man.”

“Eskild, what are you even talking about right now?” Eva laughed.

“I’m just admiring your new boyfriend. Jonas was cute and all, but Even is exactly my type. Those blue eyes, the blonde hair. Sure you don’t want to share him with me? Even, what do you think?”

“Eskild, leave my poor boyfriend alone. You’re probably scaring him.”

“Ah, I just can’t help myself by flirting with straight guys.” Eskild pouted, holding his hand over his chest dramatically.

“I’m not straight.”

At this, Isak snapped his head to Even so fast that he could almost feel the strain on his neck muscles. What?

“What?” Eva echoed Isak’s exact thoughts. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not straight. I identify as pansexual.” Even shrugged, not looking bothered or uncomfortable at sharing this information with others.

“Wait, pansexual? I’ve never heard of that. What does that mean?” Vilde chimed in, looking curious.

“It’s pretty similar to bisexual.” Eskild explained, looking immensely happy at this new development. “There’s just more of an emphasis on the gender spectrum and people who might not conform to the typical gender binary.”

“Exactly. Basically, I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to, no matter what their gender may be.” Even looked so comfortable with himself that Isak couldn’t help but to be jealous. If only accepting his own sexuality was that easy.

“Why didn’t you mention this before?” Eva said. Isak looked at her, wondering how she felt about this news.

“Just never came up. Sorry if it seemed like I was trying to hide it.”

“No, no. It’s fine, you’re not obligated to disclose your sexuality to anyone. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Eva leaned in and gave Even a kiss, forcing Isak to carefully look away. He thought his crush was manageable before, but that was when he also thought that Even was straight and had no attraction to guys. Hearing that this was not the case complicated things a bit, and Isak could feel hope beginning to bloom inside him, no matter how hard he tried to quash it. Even was still dating his friend and Isak couldn’t forget that, no matter how much he wished that he could.   

“Well, that makes sense. Just because you may be attracted to someone of the same gender, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay.” Vilde said smartly, nodding in agreement to her own statement.

“Of course, Vilde. I’m just happy to hear that I may actually have a chance after all.” Eskild leered at Even, who laughed good-naturedly.

“Not so fast, Eskild. He’s still with me.” Eva looped her arm through Even’s possessively.

“You can be taken care of easily.” dismissed Eskild, and Eva pouted.

“We’ll just see about that. I fight dirty. Better watch out for me.”

As Isak watched the conversation play out, he heard the faint tones of some Justin Bieber song begin to drift out from the living room.

“Wait, is that Justin Bieber playing?” Vilde squealed in excitement and grabbed Eva’s arm. “C’mon, you have to come dance with me!”

Eva giggled drunkenly at her friend’s delight and allowed herself to be pulled back to the living room, waving happily at the others as she went.

“Sorry, boys, but this is my song too.” Eskild said as he turned to dance his way out of the kitchen. Even laughed as they watched him go. And just like that, Isak and Even were alone again. This is what Isak had been hoping for when he was first invited to the party, but now that it was actually happening, he instantly felt his nerves set in.

“So, pansexual, huh?” Isak said, hoping to break the silence as Even gazed at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Yeah, is there a problem with that?” Even looked a little apprehensive and Isak rushed to speak, not wanting Even to misinterpret his meaning.

“No, no, no. Just never met someone who identified that way, that’s all.”

“Really? You’ve never known anyone with same-gender attraction?”

“N-no.” Isak was feeling nervous again as he thought of his long-hidden secret. “Well, other than Eskild, obviously. And now you.” Even smiled at him and took a step towards him. Isak began to feel flustered. What was Even doing?

“Well, I’m glad to help expand your knowledge of human sexuality.” Was Even flirting with him? Shit, Isak was hopeless at picking up on signals from other guys. Fuck it, he was going to go with it anyway and hope that he wasn’t reading the situation wrong. Following Even’s lead, Isak moved towards the other boy, noticing how Even’s pupils dilated slightly in reaction to his closer proximity.

“Sexuality is definitely important....not to mention interesting.” Isak internally cringed at his clumsy attempt to flirt, but judging by Even’s charmed expression, he didn’t seem to pick up on Isak’s awkwardness.

“Mhmm. Very interesting.” Even stepped forward again and now he was _definitely_ in Isak’s personal space. Not that Isak was complaining, of course. Not at all.

As they stood close together, Isak looked into Even’s eyes and he could see something there- desire. He wasn’t imagining this, this attraction between them. He knew Even could feel it too. And god, he didn’t want to hurt Eva again, but this feeling was unlike anything he had ever felt, including his crush on Jonas. This was electric, this was chemical, and this could not be contained. And so Isak stepped closer, invading Even’s personal space even more. Even froze as Isak moved in but didn’t shift away. Isak lifted a shaky hand and carefully put it on Even’s bicep, goosebumps appearing on his own arm at the contact. When Even didn’t react, Isak slowly took another step closer. He was now almost chest to chest with Even and Even still wasn’t stopping him. Why wasn’t he stopping him? Isak didn’t know where this newfound courage was coming from, but he was taking advantage of this moment of bravery. He had waited so long, hidden his attraction towards guys for so long. Isak tilted his head up, leaning in until his face was just millimeters from Even’s. And here, he paused. The final move would be up to Even. Isak would not force this on him. Instead, he would see if Even would choose him. The two stood there, frozen, staring into each other’s eyes. Isak could see the desire still in Even’s blue eyes as he stared at Isak’s lips as if in a trance. And then, Even started to slowly lean in and Isak’s eyes slid shut as he waited- finally- for Even’s lips to press against his own.

But, all of a sudden, Even quickly moved backwards, away from Isak. Isak’s arm fell from his bicep and Isak’s eyes snapped open as his heart thudded to the floor. Fuck. Even’s face was conflicted and it was clear that he was upset.

“I can’t. Isak, I can’t. Fuck, I’m sorry. I can’t do this to Eva.”

Isak’s stomach dropped. Eva. Of course. First she had taken Jonas from him, and now Even. Logically, Isak knew it wasn’t her fault, but he couldn’t help but to be bitter. Finally, he had found a guy who may also be interested in him but they couldn’t be together. He felt tears spring to his eyes and mentally willed them not to fall. He would not let Even see how this affected him. He refused.

“It’s okay, it’s my fault anyway.” Isak muttered, breaking eye contact so as not to see the pity on Even’s face anymore. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything.”

Even moved forward and nudged Isak’s chin up, smiling tenderly at him. Isak melted at the affection he saw on Even’s face.

“You didn’t assume anything. I do like you. I do. I’m just with Eva, and I like her too, and we’re happy. She’s been through a lot recently, you know, and I can’t do anything to cause her anymore pain. I won’t do that. Not to her.”

“I get it. Don’t worry about it, Even. I’ll be okay.” Isak blinked tears out of his eyes and felt his heart break as Even quickly brushed them away with his thumb before they could fall.

“I know you will, Isak. And I really am sorry. In a parallel universe, I’m sure another Isak and Even were able to do this.”

“Just not in this universe.” Isak replied sadly, not knowing what else to say in the face of such overwhelming disappointment. Even let out a sigh and removed his hand from Isak’s face. Isak instantly missed the feel of Even’s skin on his.

“Not in this one.” Even agreed quietly. “I have to go. I have to go back to Eva and the party. Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. See you, Even.”

“See you.” And with one final sad smile, Even turned and headed back to the living room. Isak could hear Eva excitedly greet him and Even’s happy laugh as he rejoined the others. Once Even was gone from sight, Isak finally let the tears fall as he leaned back against the counter. He felt so many things- guilt, at his attempt to betray his friendship with Eva yet again. Regret, that him and Even couldn’t be together despite their mutual attraction and interest. And finally, anger. He had this amazingly gorgeous, funny, and sweet guy interested in him, and here the universe was, conspiring to keep them apart. And of course, this was happening as Isak was maybe beginning to finally accept himself and working towards acting on his attraction towards other guys. He knew this was probably karma for what he had done to Eva, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Isak sighed, looking towards the kitchen doorway in the direction that Even had gone. He really could not handle being at this party and seeing Eva and Even all over each other for another moment more. He pulled out his phone to send a quick text to Jonas.

_To Jonas:_ hey, i’m not feeling too well so i’m gonna head out. stay and have fun, don’t worry about me. i’ll text you once i’m home safe.

Without waiting for a reply and wanting to be alone to wallow in his self-pity, Isak headed out of the kitchen, steadfastly refusing to look into the living room where Eva and Even were. This night, once seeming so full of possibility and hope, was officially over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops? did you think i was going to make it THAT easy for them? and i do love a good parallel scene (almost kiss scene in episode 3 was iconic). anyways, i can't believe i actually managed to write another 4.5k word chapter in only a few days. wtf? as always, thanks for your comments/kudos/subscriptions! i love hearing your thoughts! you can reach me on twitter at pansexuaIeven (l actually an i, blahblah the usual). my curious cat is linked in my twitter bio if you'd like to talk about this fic or anything else in there as well. i've been neglecting homework to write and i actually have a paper due this week, so not sure when the next chapter will appear. on the plus side, i have the next few chapters plotted out so i'll definitely be sticking to the week time frame either way. until next time!!


	5. Chapter Five

_ From Eva _ : hey, fake bf. : ) you free to hang out later? i need to talk to you about the party.

Fuck. Even felt his heartbeat speed up as he read Eva’s text message. The party. Had she somehow heard about what had happened between him and Isak? Even hadn’t wanted to hide it from her, but he knew Isak wasn’t out either. Eva had only ever talked about Isak hooking up with girls, and Even didn't have his suspicion that Isak was attracted to guys confirmed until the almost kiss in the kitchen. The last thing Even would ever want to do is out somebody who wasn’t ready to be open about their sexuality to others. Especially someone like Isak, who looked so fragile that Even just wanted to protect him so that he would never be upset. Even cared too much about him to hurt him by unintentionally outing him, especially since he already couldn’t get Isak’s broken face from Friday out of his mind. Besides, nothing had actually happened between him and Isak. Even had made sure of that. So, he rationalized with some guilt, there was nothing to tell Eva anyway, especially since they weren’t really dating. Even had a handle on things. 

_ To Eva:  _ hey. :) yeah, i’m free. what about the party? did i miss something?

_ From Eva _ : jonas cornered me while you were busy flirting with eskild yet again. he wanted to talk. need to tell you about the conversation.

_To Eva:_ oooh, this sounds good. and shut up, i was not flirting, i was the one being flirted with. not my fault I’m irresistible.

_ From Eva:  _ of course, my mistake. so, my house in about a hour?

_ To Eva:  _ see you then

As Even ended the conversation, he thought back to Friday night in the kitchen with Isak. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget that moment when they had almost kissed. Isak had looked so hopeful and vulnerable as he had gotten closer and closer to Even and then leaned in to be kissed. And god, Even had wanted to kiss him so bad, had wanted to finally give in to the electric connection between them. But right as he had begun to lean in himself, Eva’s face had flashed in his mind and he had immediately backed off. No matter how much he wanted Isak, he couldn’t ruin this plan for Eva, especially not with her ex’s best friend. He would have to wait to pursue his feelings for Isak until after this whole fake relationship was over. Hopefully, Eva’s conversation with Jonas was a good sign. Waiting to be with Isak was a struggle, and the sooner this fake relationship was over, the better. 

As if Isak knew Even’s thoughts were consumed by him, an Instagram DM from him came up on his phone. 

_ isakyaki:  _ hey even. i just wanted to apologize again for friday, it was way out of line. you aren’t going to say anything to eva, are you?

_ evenbech97:  _ don’t worry about it. it’s not like i didn’t encourage it with flirting, so we’re both to blame. and no, i’m not telling eva. i’d never do that to you. i know you’re not out to anyone and it’s not for me to tell people about your sexuality. that’s only when you feel comfortable and no one else should decide that for you.

_ isakyaki:  _ i’m not gay.

_ evenbech97:  _ okay? i never said you were, isak.

_ isakyaki:  _ i mean, maybe i’m a little gay. but not eskild gay, you know?

Even looked down at his phone, surprised and confused. What was Isak talking about, “not Eskild gay”?

_ evenbech97:  _ ummm not sure i get your meaning. “eskild gay”?

_ isakyaki:  _ you know, just because i’m attracted to you, it doesn’t mean that i also want to wear makeup and dance in tights to britney spears. that’s not me at all.

Oh, Even understood now. Isak was still in the self-hatred stage of accepting his sexuality. He was desperate not to be lumped in with the stereotypical societal view of gay men as effeminate and somehow less masculine than straight men.

_ evenbech97:  _ isak, you know not all gay men are like that, right? gay men have a wide range of personalities and interests, just like straight men do. not to mention, bisexual and pansexual men like yours truly. putting negative stereotypes on gay men like that is kind of shitty. these men are brave enough to be open about who they love, even though they face hatred from others and sometimes even beatings and death. their courage should be celebrated, not looked down on.

After Even sent the message, he didn’t get a reply for a while. He felt a little bad at first- had he been too harsh? But no, Isak needed to hear what he had said. He needed to know that it was okay to be attracted to men while simultaneously not conforming to societal expectations of what a gay man is. He needed to hear that imposing stereotypes on people just because of their sexuality was not acceptable. He needed to realize that gay men were as diverse as any other group in the world. Finally, right when Even was about to put down his phone and forget about the conversation in favor of getting ready to leave for Eva’s house, a message came in.

_ isakyaki:  _ you’re right. i feel bad now. and stupid. that was kind of a fucked up thing to say, huh?

_ evenbech97:  _ don’t feel bad. it’s okay, we all say ignorant stuff sometimes. just learn and grow.

_ isakyaki:  _ i’m trying. thanks.

_evenbech97:_ always happy to help. anyways, speaking of friday….

_ isakyaki:  _ oh god

_ evenbech97:  _ no, its nothing bad. but i was thinking, it’s probably a good idea if we back off on talking so much.

_ isakyaki:  _ you don’t want to be my friend anymore? :(

_ evenbech97:  _ no, no. nothing like that. of course i still want to be your friend. you’re the only one who appreciates 90’s hip-hop as much as me. what would i do without you? but i was thinking it might be for the best if we don’t talk as much, you know? i don’t want to keep going behind eva’s back, especially after what almost happened in the kitchen.

_ isakyaki:  _ oh…yeah, i get it. you’re right, that’s probably for the best.

_ evenbech97:  _ i mean, don't get me wrong. i still want to talk to you. just not as much. if that makes sense.

_ isakyaki:  _ yeah, it does. i understand, don’t worry.

_ evenbech97:  _ i’m sorry. i have to think of eva though.  

_ isakyaki:  _ i know. it’s okay, even. thanks for talking to me about it instead of just not replying to me anymore.

_ evenbech97:  _ i’d never do that to you.

_ isakyaki:  _ :) well i’m going to go now then. talk to you whenever.

_ evenbech97:  _ bye isak

As the conversation ended, Even couldn’t help but to feel like he had made a mistake. He knew it was for the best, that he had to set some kind of boundaries between himself and Isak while this whole charade with Eva was still going on. After all, it wasn’t fair to keep leading Isak on when he couldn’t be with him right now. The last thing Even wanted was to keep having to reject Isak and hurting him. However, he was already missing their conversations. His friendships with Eva and Isak had helped him through his separation from Sonja. In fact, he realized, he had barely thought about Sonja in the past week as things had progressed with Isak. Huh. Maybe he was finally getting over her, and wasn't that something. His life had been so intertwined with Sonja’s for so long that Even had never been able to truly imagine a future without her before. It seemed like a lot of things were changing for him ever since Eva had come into his life. She had been a great steadying presence for him, and had introduced him to Isak. She meant so much to him, and that’s how Even was able to make peace with his decision to back off on talking to Isak for now. Eva needed him to be there for her right now. His time with Isak would come soon enough.

______________________________

“Hi Even!” Eva greeted him with a smile as she opened her window to allow Even to crawl into her room. Once inside, Even followed Eva to her bed and laid down beside her to relax.

“So, what’s up? What happened with Jonas at the party?” Even asked, hoping things had gone well so this fake relationship didn't have to go on for too much longer. He really was anxious to be free for Isak. 

“The plan is totally working. As soon as you were distracted with Eskild, Jonas pulled me to the side and asked if we could talk privately. I tried to act like I didn’t want to at first since he thinks you and I are together, but I finally agreed.” 

“And? How did the talk go?” 

“He’s pissed about you. He asked how I could start dating someone new so fast. I told him it wasn’t any of his business anymore. Then we started talking about what happened with Chris. I told him about what Ingrid had said at the Halloween party and how I thought he had cheated on me first. I get that doesn’t make what I did right, but I just had to explain, you know? I didn't want him thinking I would do that to him for no reason.”  

“I get it. How did he respond?”

“He said he understands, but he’s still pissed. He doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t talk to him first before hooking up with someone else. And he’s right, I still feel so stupid about that. I should have trusted him instead of listening to Ingrid. I knew how much Ingrid disliked me after what I did to her with Jonas, but I still bought into her manipulation.” 

“We all make mistakes, Eva. You can’t keep beating yourself up over that.” 

“I know, but I can’t help feeling bad. Things went to shit after that stupid party. I never should have went.” 

“You can’t keep living with regrets. There’s nothing you can do to change it now so there’s no use in dwelling on it. All you can do is apologize and hope Jonas finds a way to move past it. If he can’t, then that’s his loss. And besides, if you had never gone to that party, then you never would have ended up transferring to Bakka. Then you wouldn’t have met me, and then where would you be? Lost.”  

Eva laughed and punched Even’s arm playfully.

“Oh yeah, I’d be so lost without you, Even. What would I do without your guidance?” she teased as Even gently shoved her back. 

“Excuse me, who was the one who took the new scared first year under their wing? What other third year would do that?” 

“You’re right.” Eva’s tone turned serious. “You really have been great, Even. You’ve been there for me and helped me out so much. I don’t think I’ve told you how much I appreciate it.” As Even looked at Eva, he felt nervous at the affection he saw on her face. His nerves only grew as Eva gave him a soft kiss, so quick that he couldn’t pull away to prevent it from happening. 

“What was that for?” Even asked, and Eva rolled her eyes. 

“Just a thank you kiss. What, a girl can’t kiss her fake boyfriend now?” 

“Of course you can. And you’ve been there for me too, Eva. I appreciate your friendship too. We make a good team.” At this, Eva smiled softly and leaned in to rest her head on Even’s shoulder. He automatically put his arm around her and rubbed her back in comfort, despite feeling a bit unsettled after the earlier kiss. Was Eva falling for him? That would be bad, especially considering the situation with Isak. 

“So, did anything with Jonas end up getting resolved?” Even tried to steer the conversation back to what had happened at the party. The sooner Eva worked things out with Jonas, the sooner he would be free to work things out with Isak. 

“No, not really. He said he missed me though and that he wants to keep talking to me about things. I told him that sounded fine. So we will see what happens.” 

“At least you’re making progress finally. Keep working on it. It’ll all work out one way or another, I’m sure of it.” 

“Thanks, Even. Anyway, enough about Jonas. Did you have fun at the party?” 

Even swallowed, once again thinking back to the kitchen and Isak’s face so close to his own. 

“Yeah, it was fun. I like your friends a lot.” 

“Yeah, they’re pretty great, aren’t they? Eskild’s hilarious and such a good time. And I don’t talk to Isak as much anymore, but he’s a sweetheart.” 

“Isak’s cool. And I loved Eskild.” replied Even, feeling a bit uncomfortable talking about Isak with her. 

“Of course Eskild is your favorite, you two couldn’t stop flirting all night.”

“I told you, I was the one being flirted with.”

“Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that. You loved the attention.” 

“I’m just irresistible.” Even teased. He instantly regretted his joke as that soft look came over Eva’s face again. Quickly, he broke eye contact before Eva could try to kiss him again. 

“So, how about we try to do some actual work?” he said, wanting to change the subject. “I could help you with that math test you have that’s coming up soon?” 

“Ugh, I really don’t want to but I know I should, so let’s do that. Let me just go and grab my stuff. Be right back.” 

After Eva rolled off of her bed and went upstairs to grab her schoolwork, Even put his hands over his face and let out a deep sigh. Eva could  _ not  _ be developing actual feelings for him, could she? That was the last thing he needed right now. He cared about her, sure, but strictly as a friend. He was only interested in Isak and didn’t need yet another complication added to the situation keeping them apart. Even contemplated what to do and decided the best course of action was to push her and Jonas back together as soon as possible. Eva was probably just feeling lonely and projecting her feelings for Jonas on to him. That was natural. It was best to simply pretend he didn’t notice her crush on him and encourage her to work things out with Jonas. He could only hope that it would work, as Even’s life could not afford to get even more tangled than it already was now.

_______________________________

_ isakyaki:  _ hey, are you there?

Even looked at the message notification from Isak, feeling wary. It had only been a few days, but he missed talking to Isak. He missed their jokes and flirting and teasing. He missed Isak sending him stupid memes. He missed their song recommendations to each other and arguing over which 90’s rapper was the best. (Isak secretly agreed that it was Nas, but he liked to disagree just to be difficult. Even missed that too.) But Even knew this distance was necessary. He was falling for Isak way too fast and he needed to at least attempt to get a handle on his feelings for him, at least until he was truly free to be with him. As Even stared at the message, wondering what Isak might want, another one appeared on his screen. 

_ isakyaki:  _ i know we agreed we probably shouldn’t talk as much, but i really need someone right now. jonas has something going on with his family and i can’t get up with eva right now, so you’re all i have left. please.

Even bit his lip. Isak sounded desperate and upset and Even couldn’t bear to see him this way when Isak needed him so much. They had agreed to be friends, after all.

_ evenbech97:  _ hey, isak. i’m here. are you okay? what’s going on?

_ isakyaki:  _ it’s shit with my mom. i’m freaking out. my dad’s not here and it’s only me with her. i don’t know what to do. i need to get out of here, i can’t deal with this right now. can you please meet me somewhere? anywhere? please, i really need to get out of this house.

_ evenbech97:  _ isak….i’m not sure it’s a good idea for us to be alone right now.

_ isakyaki:  _ please, even. i promise that i wouldn’t be asking you this if i didn’t really need someone right now. there’s no ulterior motive here, i swear. i only need a friend. that's it.

_ evenbech97:  _ okay. let’s meet at that coffee shop by nissen in a half hour. does that work for you?

_ isakyaki:  _ yes, i’ll be there. thanks, i appreciate this

_ evenbech97:  _ what are friends for? see you soon

_______________________________

As Even entered the coffee shop, he looked around and noticed that Isak was already there, sitting in a corner by himself and looking at a coffee cup in front of him blankly. His hair was a bit disheveled and his eyes were red, like he had been crying. Concern immediately set in and Even went to sit with Isak, disregarding his initial idea of ordering a coffee first. Isak was more important than caffeine. As Even approached the table, Isak looked up at him and Even could see the distress all over his face.

“Isak?” he asked as he sat at the table. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“It’s my mom. She’s been acting weird lately. She keeps going on rants about religion and texting me Bible verses throughout the day and night. Then tonight, Dad suggested that maybe she should go see a doctor or something and mom just lost it. They were yelling at each other for ages before Dad finally left. After he was gone, Mom came in my room and was ranting at me again before I was finally able to calm her down and get her to bed. Then I had to get out of there. I couldn’t be there anymore. I felt like I was suffocating. I’m sorry to bother you, but I didn’t want to be alone right now.”

Fuck, it sounded like Isak’s mom was dealing with mental health issues, and didn’t Even know all about those? This topic hit a little too close to home as he thought back to scaring Sonja and his own family in similar ways during manic episodes. But Isak needed him to be there for him right now, and so Even would be. Isak deserved that much and Even cared too much about him to let him deal with this alone.

“Shit, Isak. I’m sorry, that sounds terrible. She didn’t hurt you or anything, right? You’re fine?”

“No, no, nothing physical. I’m fine. It just scared me. It’s been slowly progressing and getting worse but tonight was the worst I’ve ever seen it. And it’s so hard to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves or accept that there might be a problem, you know?”

“Yeah.” Even replied quietly. Even knew that all too well. It had taken a depressive episode in which Even had been unable to get out of bed for nearly two weeks before Even had finally began to accept help for his own mental illness.

“Are you okay?” Isak looked concerned himself now and Even straightened up. This was about Isak, and Even had no time to wallow in his self-pity. Isak had enough to deal with right now without adding Even’s problems on top of it.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I zoned out for a minute there. But you’re right, you can’t force someone to accept help if they don’t want it right now. All you can do is be there for her and try to help her the best way that you can.”

“I’m trying. It’s just hard, you know? She’s my mom and it’s hard to see her dealing with this.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. But it sounds like you’re doing a good job so far. And me and your other friends will be there to help you out. You’re not alone, Isak.”

At this, Isak looked up and Even’s breath caught at the expression on his face. It was raw and broken and Even just wanted to take away his pain. He hated seeing Isak like this. On an impulse, he reached and put his hand over Isak’s. Surprise came over Isak’s face, but he didn’t pull away, and gradually a tiny smile appeared as he looked at Even.

“Thanks, Even. That means a lot.” Even squeezed Isak’s hand before carefully moving it away, pretending not to notice the look of disappointment on Isak’s face. He couldn’t get caught up in this attraction again, no matter how much he may want Isak.

“Don’t mention it. So, what’s been going on with you?”

With that one question, the two settled back into a familiar rhythm of teasing each other and joking about stupid things. As they talked, Even felt the warm feeling that talking to Isak always brought him re-enter his chest and he realized just how much how he had missed the younger boy. Even had a lot of friends come and go in his life and had dated Sonja for three years, but none of them had made him feel like this before. Isak was nothing like he’d ever known before, and Even was rapidly becoming addicted to being in his presence. He was falling deep into everything that Isak was, and was powerless to stop it. 

_______________________________

Isak and Even talked until the coffee shop closed, as Isak was unwilling to return home so soon and Even was unwilling to separate from Isak so soon. After they were forced to leave the shop, Even insisted on walking Isak home to keep him company for even longer. As they were walking by Nissen, Isak stopped at the schoolyard gate. 

“Is it fine if we hang out here for a bit? I’m still not ready to go home yet, I’m sorry.” he said.

“Of course it is, Isak. Come on, let’s sit on this bench over here.” 

The two walked over to a rickety looking bench near the school building and sat down, probably a bit closer than they should have. Even ignored it, though, and refused to move away. Just touching Isak’s leg wasn’t a crime, was it? Besides, it was cold out. The body heat was useful. As they sat in silence for a minute, Even looked over to Isak and was surprised to see him crying again. Without thinking about it, he reached out and put his arm around Isak’s shoulders in comfort, pulling him into his side. 

“Isak? Are you okay? I know things with your mom are terrible right now, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” 

“It’s not only that. I just feel so alone right now. Things with my family are shit. I barely talk to Eva anymore. Jonas is there for me, but he has no idea about me and...and…” 

“Your attraction to guys?” Even guessed gently. Isak bit his lip and nodded. It was apparent this was not something he was comfortable saying out loud yet. 

“Yeah. So I have to hide this part of me from him and it can get so exhausting. Plus, you rejected me and now I don’t even really even have you in my life anymore. No one’s ever going to want to be with me. I deserve it though.” 

“Isak, why would you even say that? Of course you deserve happiness, and you’ll find someone.”  _ ‘I promise, it’ll be me. Please just wait a little longer. Please.’ _ Even thought desperately as he looked at Isak’s dismayed face. 

“I’ve been so shitty to people. I’m really not this good person that people think I am, Even. You have no idea about the awful things I’ve done. You rejecting me was the karma I deserve. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want to deal with my shit either. Eva is great though and I’m happy you are there for her. You guys deserve to be happy together.” 

As Even looked down at Isak’s tearful face, he felt his heart break. Here was this beautiful boy, this amazing boy, who was doubting just how special he truly was. Isak didn’t seem to understand what an effect he really had on Even. He had no idea how deep Even’s feelings really ran, how strongly Even felt for him. Even couldn’t hold it in any longer and so he spoke.

“Isak, never doubt how amazing you really are. You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and it kills me that you can’t see that. You are so special and you deserve all the happiness in the world.” 

At this, Isak looked up at Even from where he had been nestled against his chest. Even’s breath caught. Even with a red face from crying, Isak was so beautiful. 

“Even, you don’t have to say anything just to be nice or try and make me feel better. It’s okay.” 

Even felt his frustration grow as Isak refused to believe his words. Why was Isak so insistent that he didn’t deserve anything nice in the world? Why did Isak refuse to believe how amazing he was? And before Even could stop the words, they came out. 

“Isak, I’ve never felt anything like this before. Ever.” 

Isak froze at this, his eyes growing larger and larger as he processed Even’s words. As Even looked at the wonder grow in Isak’s green eyes, his heart felt full to burst at all the emotions he felt for this boy. Denying his feelings was becoming too much to handle, particularly when faced with Isak so close, so vulnerable, and so gorgeous. Eva was the furthest thing from his mind and so, he leaned in, and finally, finally, let their lips touch. Instantly, he felt the chemistry that had been simmering beneath the surface explode. He was powerless to pull away, to end this. 

After a few moments of kissing, Isak pulled back a bit, gazing up at Even in amazement. Even grinned at him and after smiling back, Isak melted and moved in to connect their lips once more. As Even gently put a hand on Isak’s face and kissed him back, he couldn’t be bothered to feel guilty, at least not right now. He could never regret Isak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just like in the show, i didn't make you guys wait too long after the almost-kiss for the actual kiss! <3 and obviously i had to make it happen on The Bench. but, i really struggled with writing this chapter for some reason, so i hope everything turned out okay! i'm trying to keep everyone in character as much as possible while also recognizing the sticky situation they're all in that's obviously going to lead to some hurtful actions. thanks so much for all your kudos and comments, i'm glad the last chapter had such a good reaction!! as usual, expect the next chapter in a little under a week. you can talk to me about this story, skam, or anything else on twitter at @pansexuaIeven (l is an i :) until next time!!


	6. Chapter Six

The moments after his first kiss with Even felt like a blur to Isak. He couldn’t believe that he had finally done it, that he had finally kissed another guy. Finally, he had given in to his hidden attractions that had been building for so long. Isak had decided to let go and allow himself to indulge in his sexuality without feeling shame or embarrassment. The best part was that he got to experience this with Even, amazing Even who was gorgeous and smart and funny and who somehow wanted Isak just as much as Isak wanted him. In only a few hours, Isak had gone from feeling so down to total bliss and it was all because of Even. Even had already made such an impact in Isak’s life, and Isak was forever grateful that he had met the older boy. Isak wanted to treasure this moment forever. 

After a few minutes of kissing, Even slowly pulled away from Isak. 

“Wow.” This was all Isak was able to say, as his mind was still blissfully blank from their kisses. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching up and touching his own lips, still not quite able to believe that the past few minutes had actually happened. Even smiled fondly as he looked back at Isak, his eyes crinkling at the corners in the way that Isak loved so much. 

“Wow.” Even repeated softly as he leaned in to give Isak another quick peck on the lips. 

“So...what does this mean? You know, with Eva?” Isak didn’t want to ruin the happy bubble they were in, but he had to know. Eva. Fuck, he had hurt her and betrayed their friendship yet again. He didn’t regret kissing Even, he could never do that. Not with the way Even made him feel and how he was helping Isak gradually accept who he was. But that also didn’t mean that Isak didn’t still feel guilty about hurting his friend once more.

“I want to tell Eva about us.”

Isak froze. Out of everything Even could have said, he really hadn’t been expecting that. Isak wasn’t used to someone choosing him, to someone willingly putting him above another person. Instead, he was more accustomed to being an afterthought, the person who would have to find a way to be happy alone. The person who had to hide who they really were. The person who tagged along sadly behind a happy Jonas and Eva and tried to hide his feelings for his best friend. Was Even really actually going to choose him over Eva? Him, over beautiful and confident Eva? It didn’t seem possible.

“What? You want to tell her? Really?” 

“Yes, really. Things are...complicated with us. I can’t really get into too many details about it right now, I’m sorry. But I want to sit her down and tell her about you, just be straight up honest with her. She will understand, I’m sure about that. Trust me.” 

“Are you really sure she’s going to be okay with this, Even? Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.” After seeing Eva and Even together, Isak was skeptical. They had seemed so happy together and it was clear that Eva adored Even. Isak couldn’t blame her, really- Even was perfect. Who wouldn’t adore him? Isak felt guilt clench in his stomach again. Here he was, ruining another relationship for her. First Jonas, now Even. What kind of a friend was he?

“Yes, Isak, I’m sure. Just give me some time, I’ll take care of it. I promise.” 

“I trust you.” And Isak did. Somehow, he instinctively knew that Even was being honest with him and wasn’t trying to play him. 

“So, are you ready to go back to your house?” asked Even as he lifted his hand and began gently stroking Isak’s cheek in comfort. At the thought of returning home, Isak’s nerves returned. Caught up in the whirlwind that was Even, Isak had momentarily forgotten about what had happened with his mom earlier. And despite Even’s calming presence, Isak still wasn’t ready to return to his house. He wasn’t ready to leave the comfortable bubble Even provided him with. He was rapidly becoming addicted to this feeling.

“No.” replied Isak quietly, not wanting to look at Even and see the pity on his face. Even probably thought he was pathetic. Poor baby Isak, unable to face his mentally ill mom. How embarrassing. 

“Do you want to come back to mine then?”

“What?” Even just kept managing to surprise him. “Go back to your house? Won’t your parents wonder why a strange boy is in your bedroom?” 

“Nah, they’ll be asleep by now, they won’t bother us. And you clearly don’t want to go back to your house, so you shouldn’t be forced to. I’m not going to make you do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. So, come home with me and get a good night’s sleep. We’ll reevaluate in the morning and I’ll walk you home then, if you’re ready.” 

Fuck, Isak had no idea what he had done to deserve this amazing boy in his life. Even really was something else and Isak was so grateful that he had met him. Overwhelmed with the depth of his feelings, Isak leaned in and buried his face in Even’s neck, wanting to revel in his presence for as long as possible. In response, Even wrapped his arms around Isak and squeezed. Isak felt consumed in Even’s affection and soaked in the content feeling in his body. He’d never felt like this before. It seemed unreal that he could be this happy.

“That sounds good. Thanks, Even.” 

“No need to thank me, this is all just an elaborate plan to get you in my bed. I’m doing this out of my own selfish motivations, really.” 

“Oh, is that what you’re doing? Well, it’s definitely working.” 

“Of course it is, I’m the master of getting cute boys. Now come on, it’s freezing out here. Let’s get to some warmth.” 

Even stood up, pulling Isak with him. As Even grabbed Isak’s hand and they set off towards Even’s house, Isak couldn’t help but to marvel at how much his life had changed only in the course of a few short hours. He never thought that he would be able to have this for himself. He had been convinced that he was destined to keep pretending that girls were something that he was interested in and that he would always have to suppress this side of him. But then Even had entered his life and turned it upside down, showing that happiness really was possible for him and that he could be accepted for who he was. It was hard to feel too bad about anything with Even by his side. 

_______________________________

The next morning, Isak woke up feeling more comfortable and fulfilled than he had in a long time. He was resting against Even’s chest, Even’s arm still wrapped tightly around him in his slumber. Even was breathing lightly as he slept and Isak carefully moved his face so he could see him. Even looked so peaceful and so beautiful. Isak was in awe of him and everything he had gotten to experience with him so far.

Last night, they had returned to Even’s house, quietly sneaking in as not to wake Even’s parents. Even had provided Isak with a change of clothes to sleep in, and Isak had shyly excused himself to change in the bathroom, not yet comfortable changing in front of the older boy. Afterwards, they had watched Netflix on the couch under Even’s bed. Isak had felt awkward, still not quite sure about how he should act around Even and how much affection was acceptable. However, after a few minutes, Even had gently put his arm around Isak and pulled him into his side. Isak had immediately melted and burrowed into Even’s chest, feeling his heart nearly burst with happiness. Even made Isak feel so comfortable that when it came time to crawl into his bed later, Isak had no hesitation or embarrassment. He had curled up against Even’s side once again and fallen asleep as Even had softly run his fingers through Isak’s hair. 

As if Even could sense Isak’s eyes on him, he slowly began to stir from sleep. Isak watched as Even’s blue eyes slowly blinked open. After taking a minute or so to fully rouse himself, Even smiled as he noticed Isak looking at him.

“Watching me sleep?”

“Yes.” 

“You’re cute.” 

“Hmm, I think you’re the cute one, but I’ll take the compliment anyway.” Isak didn’t know when he had become so comfortable blatantly flirting with another guy. He guessed Even just brought it out in him. They fit together so naturally that it was effortless. 

“How are you feeling? Better?” 

“Yeah. I’m good. Hungry, though. Breakfast time?” 

“Ugh. Can’t we just stay here forever?” At that, Isak melted. God, Even would never stop making him feel this good, would he? 

“Yeah. We can do that, but let me check my phone first. My dad might have texted me about my mom. Maybe he came back home after I left.” Isak turned over, reaching for his phone where he had set it behind him in the bed. No messages from his dad. One message from Jonas that had been sent about an hour ago. 

_ From Jonas:  _ hey, are you free today? i’m headed to the skate park soon, wanna meet me there? 

Isak smiled at he read the message, sending back a quick “sure, i’ll be there in a hour” before returning to his spot on Even’s chest and entangling his fingers with Even’s own. 

“Jonas texted me, he wants to hang out. Asked if I’d meet him at the skate park in a little bit.” 

“That sounds fun. Do you want me to walk with you?”

“Nah, he’d probably be a bit suspicious if I showed up with Eva’s boyfriend, don’t you think?” 

“Good point. Are you sure you’re fine with everything that happened last night?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Happy, even. Thanks to you and last night. And this morning. And right now.” 

“Ugh, you’re killing me with cuteness here, Isak.” Isak smiled at Even and tilted his chin up in a silent request to be kissed. He was pleased when Even immediately acquiesced and pulled him into a long kiss. He didn’t want to leave Even, but he knew he needed to see Jonas and talk to him about his mom. Even was great, but he needed his best friend’s support as well. 

“Do you...do you think I should tell Jonas? You know, about me?” 

“You mean, about your sexuality?”

“Yeah.”

“Isak, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Don’t feel obligated to tell him just because of me. I don’t want you coming out before you’re ready. There’s no pressure here. Not with me.”

Isak had no words at this. He was sure Even would try to push him into coming out. After all, Even was breaking up with his girlfriend for Isak. Surely he wouldn’t want to do that for someone so deeply closeted? But Even only kept giving Isak more and more reasons to fall deeper for him. It was crazy to feel so strongly about someone that Isak hadn’t even known that long.

“Thanks. That means more than you know. I do want to tell Jonas. I do, eventually. I’m just not sure I’m quite ready yet.” 

“Then don’t do it. You’ll know when you’re ready.” 

“How did you do it? How are you so comfortable with telling people you’re pansexual?” 

“I don’t know. I think I just knew that I had supportive people around me who would be there for me no matter what. And I obviously don’t know Jonas, but I can tell that he cares about you. I’m sure he will be there for you too when you decide to tell him.” 

“I mean...it’s a little embarrassing…” Isak began to blush as he thought about one of the main reasons why he had never told Jonas about being attracted to guys before. God, his crush on Jonas had been such a constant in his life for the past few years that it almost seemed weird to no longer think of him in that way. 

“What’s embarrassing?”

“I mean...part of the reason I never told Jonas is because I had a crush on him…”

“What?” Even laughed a little “That’s amazing. But you know that’s really common, to crush on your best friend, right? Especially when you’re first starting to realize that you may not be straight.” Even stroked Isak’s cheek in reassurance and smiled at him to indicate that Isak had no reason to be embarrassed or feel ashamed.

“Yeah, I know. It’s still embarrassing though, especially considering I never had a chance with him anyway. Despite that, I was still hopelessly into him.” 

“What made you stop liking him?” 

“You.”

Even sucked in a breath and looked down at Isak, wonder on his face at Isak’s honesty. Isak began to blush at his own sincerity.

“Wow. Glad I’ve made such an impact.” 

“More than you know.”

“Ugh, I can’t get over how cute you are. Do you really have to leave? What happened to staying in here forever?” 

“I wish I didn’t have to go, trust me. But Jonas still doesn’t know how bad things have gotten with my mom, and I want to tell him at least that much.” 

“It’s okay, I understand, even though I still want to keep you to myself forever.”

“Now who’s the cute one? Enough talking. I might not be able to give you forever right now, but I can at least give you the next hour.” 

Before Even could reply, Isak leaned up and began kissing him. As they began to ease into making out, Isak closed his eyes and allowed his mind to clear of all its anxieties and doubts. He was with Even. There was nothing to worry about, at least not right now. 

_______________________________

As Isak approached Jonas, who was sitting on a bench at the skate park, he was surprised that none of the usual butterflies entered his stomach at the sight of his best friend. It had become such a familiar feeling that its absence struck Isak hard. He guessed that he really was finally getting over his crush, thanks to Even. 

“What’s up?” asked Isak as he sat down beside Jonas on the bench, returning his smile with one of his own. 

“Not much, I saw you texted that something was going on with your mom last night so I thought maybe you’d need some company today. What happened now?” 

“Just the usual stuff, ranting about religion, going off on weird tangents. Last night it got a little out of control though because Dad finally suggested that maybe Mom should go see someone. She didn’t like that too much. He ended up leaving the house after this big fight they had. Sorry I bothered you when you were with your family, I was just panicking.” 

“Fuck, Isak, you weren’t bothering me. I’m the one who should be sorry, I forgot to charge my phone before I went out with my family so the stupid thing was dead when you were trying to get up with me. I feel like shit now.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Jonas. It’s fine. I’m fine, really.” 

“So, how are things today with your mom?” Jonas still looked concerned and Isak was grateful to have a friend who cared so much about him. In fact, he was so overwhelmed with gratitude for his best friend that he slipped up before he could catch himself.

“I don’t know, I didn’t stay there last night.” 

At the confusion on Jonas’ face, Isak froze. Fuck. He did not mean to say that. The last thing he wanted right now was any awkward questions about where he had been last night. 

“What? Where were you then?” 

“Oh, just a friend’s house.” Isak struggled to play off his words casually. He didn’t want to arouse Jonas’ suspicion any further. 

“Who’s house? Eva’s?” 

“Yeah. I was with Eva.” The lie came out easily. He hoped Jonas wouldn’t bring it up to Eva. Isak really didn’t need both of them asking further questions about where he had really been. 

“Oh...that’s cool. I’m glad she was there for you.” 

“Yeah, really nice. But speaking of Eva, how are things going with her? Any progress since the party?” Isak was desperate to change the subject. Jonas had always been annoyingly good at seeing when things weren’t right with Isak, and he didn’t want him to figure out that Isak was being less than forthcoming about last night’s activities. 

“Things are about the same. We’ve been texting a little bit. I don’t know man, she seems to be really into that Even guy. Maybe I should just give it up.” 

At this, Isak began to panic again. Give up? No, no, Jonas couldn’t do that. He already felt guilty enough about his role in their breakup, and now he was able to ruin another relationship for Eva. Jonas couldn’t move on now. Isak needed to make amends for what he had done, and the best way to do that was help Eva and Jonas get back together. And now that he had experienced his own happiness with Even, he finally realized what he had sabotaged for his two closest friends. Isak had to make this right, he had to. 

“Give up? Jonas, no, don’t give up. Not that easily. Doesn’t Eva deserve more than you giving up so easily on her?”

“I only want her to be happy, Isak. She deserves that, especially with all the shit she dealt with here.  And if she’s happy with Even, I don’t want to fuck that up for her, you know?” 

“Jonas, you made her happy too. You guys were perfect together, everyone saw that. At least put some more effort in this. She was open to talking to things about you, remember? So at least keep trying.” 

“I guess. I still think she’s moved on fully to this Even, but maybe it won’t hurt to give her some more time. And I need the time too. I still haven’t completely gotten over what happened with Chris. I need to let that trust come back.”

“Exactly, just keep letting things move along. Don’t try to force it too much. And you never know, maybe things won’t work out with Even.” Isak refused to look at Jonas as he said this, not wanting Jonas to pick up on any weird vibes on his face. Making eye contact with Jonas was always a guaranteed way to having his true feelings exposed. Jonas was annoying like that. 

“Yeah...I still think they’re really into each other, but I thought that about me and Eva too before we broke up, so I guess you’re right. Thanks, Isak. You’ve been a good friend through all of this.” 

“No problem.” Isak swallowed down his guilt. He was trying to make things right now, wasn’t he? He was going to make it up to Jonas and Eva, and everything would be okay. They would be back together, and he would have Even now.  Everyone would be happy. It would all work out. It would. No one ever had to know what Isak did. He was fixing it now. 

“Enough of this bonding session. You ready to skate? Try to keep up.” 

“You’re on.”

_______________________________

_ isakyaki:  _ i miss you :(

_ evenbech97:  _ isak, it’s only been like three hours since we saw each other

_ isakyaki:  _ i know, but i still miss you :(

_ evenbech97:  _ i miss you too, baby :/ 

_ isakyaki:  _ what? baby? 

_ evenbech97:  _ is there a problem with me calling you that? 

_ isakyaki:  _ just not used to it

_ evenbech97:  _ have you never been in a relationship before, then? 

_ isakyaki:  _ not really

_ evenbech97:  _ awww, baby, that’s so cute. :) 

_ isakyaki:  _ shut up even. and relationship? uhh how can we be in a relationship if you’re already in one? i’m pretty sure things don’t work that way. 

_ evenbech97:  _ ouch. but i mean, after i talk to eva about us. if you want to be in one with me, that is. 

_ isakyaki:  _ have you figured out when you’re going to talk to her? 

_ evenbech97:  _ soon. sometime in the next couple of days. i want to do it in person and she has a lot going on with school right now so she said she’s not free for a few days. 

_ isakyaki:  _ yeah, i get it.

_ evenbech97:  _ so...are you going to answer me? 

_ isakyaki:  _ about what?

_ evenbech97:  _ isakyaki, don’t play coy with me. you know exactly what i mean. 

_ isakyaki:  _ ugh, you’re no fun. but yeah. i guess being in a relationship with you sounds cool. :) 

_ evenbech97:  _ baby :)

_ isakyaki:  _ you’re so corny

_ evenbech97:  _ i’m the corny one? excuse me, who was the one who texted after only three hours saying they missed me? 

_ isakyaki:  _ ugh, shut up. last time i try being nice to you. 

_ evenbech97:  _ :( 

_ isakyaki:  _ <3 

_ evenbech97: <3  _

_ evenbech97:  _ did you have fun with jonas?

_ isakyaki:  _ yeah. i didn’t come out to him though. i’m sorry, i’m not ready yet.

_ evenbech97:  _ baby, you have nothing to apologize for. i told you, there’s no pressure to do that until you’re ready. only you can determine that for yourself. 

_isakyaki:_ <3\. i appreciate it, even. and jonas is fun and all, but when can we see each other again? i think i might need some help with chemistry….

_ evenbech97:  _ what? is this the same isak who laughed at my lack of chemistry knowledge only last week?

_ isakyaki:  _ you can still help me study by asking me questions from my notes. i think you can manage that, right? 

_ evenbech97:  _ hmmm…

_ isakyaki: _ please? …..baby? :) 

_ evenbech97:  _ no fair. how am i supposed to resist you when you’re being so cute? fine, come on over. 

_ isakyaki:  _ :) see you soon 

_______________________________

Isak wasn’t really surprised that their “studying” had really turned out to be more of a cuddling and make out session. Sure, they had made a valiant attempt at reviewing Isak’s notes, but after about fifteen minutes, Even had pulled Isak into his lap and that was that. Isak couldn’t pretend that this isn’t what he had been hoping would happen when he had gone over to Even’s though. Now that he had finally accepted his sexuality, Isak just wanted to spend all of his time enjoying finally getting to kiss another boy. Especially since that boy was Even, gorgeous Even who Isak felt so connected to.

“Good study session.” Isak said with a smile as they pulled back from a particularly long kiss. Even laughed from where he was now hovering over Isak’s prone form on his bed. Watching him, Isak couldn’t help but to put his hand on the back of Even’s neck and pull him in for another lingering kiss. When they broke apart again, Even gently nuzzled his nose against Isak’s nose. Isak couldn’t help but to giggle breathlessly. Even was adorable.  

“I agree, it’s going  _ very  _ well.” Then, Even leaned in once more and began leaving a mark on Isak’s neck to go with the ones he had already placed there earlier. Isak was going to be wearing a scarf to school for the foreseeable future to avoid awkward questions from Jonas, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain when Even was making him feel so good. He’d been waiting too long for this and he was going to enjoy this as much as he possibly could.

“Parallel universe Isak and Even are probably so jealous right now.” Even pulled back after Isak spoke and raised an eyebrow at him.

“What? You don’t think they’re out there, doing the same thing we are right now?”

“No, I’m sure they are. Infinite Isak and Evens, together in infinite universes. But it’s hard to imagine them feeling as good as I feel with you right now.” Another Eskimo kiss came from Even at this.

“That was cute. You’re so cute.” Isak blushed and playfully pushed at Even’s chest. 

“God, you never stop being corny, do you?” 

“Nah. But you love it.” Isak sucked in a breath at the l word even though he knew Even was just teasing him and it didn’t actually mean anything. 

“Yeah. I guess I do.”

Even smiled and kissed Isak once more before laying down beside him. Isak moved over to rest his head on Even’s shoulder, grinning as Even’s arm found its familiar place around him. He was rapidly growing to love these lazy moments with him. As Isak languidly began to trace patterns over Even’s chest, he heard his phone go off. He had been trying to ignore it, wanting to simply enjoy his time with Even before they had to separate again. But Isak knew it could be something important from his dad, so he reluctantly moved back to a sitting position and shuffled over to retrieve his phone from where he had placed it further down on Even’s bed. 

“Babyyy, come back here and lay with me some more.”

“I will, I will, just let me check my phone real quick.” 

Isak picked up his phone and felt his heart drop as he checked his notifications. Sure enough, there were four missed calls from his dad and three text messages. There was only one explanation for this- his mom. Isak nervously clicked on his messages to see what had happened now. 

_ From Dad:  _ Isak, where are you? 

_ From Dad:  _ Call me back, please. It’s important.    


_ From Dad:  _ Isak, please pick up the phone. Mom had another incident. I need to talk to you.

After reading the messages, Isak put his phone down and rubbed his hands over his face as he breathed out shakily. Fuck, he was really not ready to deal with this again. Behind him, he felt Even lean up and move behind him. He turned to face him, seeing the concern on Even’s face. 

“Isak? Are you okay?”  

“Yeah, it was just my dad texting. Evidently mom’s having another episode or something. I don’t really know, I can’t handle this right now.” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, baby. Come here.” Even held out his arms and Isak fell into them gratefully as Even gave him a kiss on the top of his head. Isak breathed out shakily as he tried to control his anxiety about his mom. 

“This is so hard, Even. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know anything about mental illness, I don’t know how to help my mom. I feel so lost.” At these words, Isak felt Even stiffen up. “Even? What’s wrong?” 

“I have something I need to tell you.” 

“Okay…” Isak felt nervous. What was going on? What had he said? 

“I mean, it’s nothing bad. I just-I just want you to know. You need to know.” 

“Even, tell me. It’s fine. Please.” Isak leaned back and made eye contact with Even, trying to reassure him silently. 

“I’m bipolar.” Even said quietly, carefully looking away from Isak as his hands nervously played with Isak’s curls. Isak was confused. These words meant nothing to him. What was Even talking about? 

“What? What does that mean?” 

“It means manic-depressive. It means I have a mental illness too, just like your mom. I can go from feeling on top of the world to feeling so low that even breathing exhausts me. I go through these cycles, it can get kind of intense sometimes. Sometimes they last for weeks. I’m on medication now though, and I have regular appointments with my doctor. I think I’m finally starting to get a handle on it. Things have been going okay for awhile now.” 

Looking at Even, Isak could tell that he was scared for how Isak would react. Fuck, Isak had been venting and complaining about his mom’s mental health problems and had no idea of how his words had probably made Even feel. Even must have been feeling like crap, wondering if Isak would push him away when he found out.  

“Even, I had no idea. Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive. This changes nothing for me though, you need to know that. I still want to be with you.”

“No, it’s fine, you didn’t know and I know you’re dealing with a lot right now. I just wanted to tell you, especially with everything going on with your mom. I really like you a lot so I wanted to share this part of me. I want you to know everything about me. You mean that much.” 

“You mean a lot to me too.” Isak replied quietly as he leaned up to give Even a soft kiss. “Is there anything I can do to help you? I don’t know a lot about being bipolar, obviously, but I want to learn. For you.” 

“No, I have a handle on things, I promise. I don’t want you to look at me like you have to take care of me or be my caretaker. My last girlfriend did that and I hated it. I want to be seen like another person, not as someone who’s defined by their mental illness. I only need you to keep being who you are, please. Because who you are is amazing just as you are.” 

“I can do that. As long as you keep smiling.” 

“And I can do that. Thank you, Isak. You are so special to me.” 

Even leaned in and kissed Isak, who suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt. Even had shared something about himself that was obviously so personal and still a big source of insecurity for him. Even was going to leave his girlfriend for him. Even wasn’t pushing him to come out, wasn’t trying to force him into anything he wasn’t yet ready for. Even accepted Isak for who he was, even liked him for it. And here Isak was, hiding his role in what had happened with Eva. Even thought Isak was this amazing person, but he had no idea what Isak was really capable of. Isak couldn’t mislead Even. He didn’t want their relationship to have any secrets. And he was so tired of having secrets, of having to hide things. So, before he could think any more about it, Isak said it, hoping that Even wouldn’t hate him when he found out. 

“Even, it was me. I’m partly to blame for why Eva had to transfer to Bakka.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm so i guess i should apologize for that cliffhanger. so. sorry? but hey, this was a nice long chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it somewhat!! i struggled so much writing this (perfectionist probs), i'm amazed it ended up being over 5k words!! as always, thanks for the comments/kudos/everything. it's always so fun to read everyone's reactions to the chapters!! you can also come chat with me on twitter @pansexuaIeven (that's an i, not l, the usual). i usually post a snippet from the upcoming chapter on there sometime during the week! expect the next chapter within a week, but i may be able to stick to this 5 day timeframe i've had going on. we'll see. until next time!!


	7. Chapter Seven

“What? What do you mean you’re part of the reason that Eva had to transfer?” Even was confused. What was Isak talking about? What could he have done to Eva, especially considering that the two were still friends? Eva hadn’t said anything about Isak when she told Even about why she had decided to leave Nissen. This didn’t make any sense.    

“It was me. I was the one who told Iben.”

“Wait, who is Iben and what did you tell her?” Even was still confused and Isak wasn’t making things any clearer. Isak was refusing to meet his eyes, instead electing to stare down at his lap where he was wringing his hands together in nervousness.

“I told her about Eva cheating on Jonas with Chris, that third year. Iben was Chris’ girlfriend at the time.”

“What? Why would you do that?” Even felt his stomach clench at Isak’s words. Fuck, this was not good. Eva had no idea about what Isak had done and it was apparent how the guilt had been eating away at him. Even could see that as he looked at Isak- the nerves were written all over his face as he continued to avoid Even’s attempts at making eye contact.

“I don’t know why I did it, honestly. I was just-I was tired. Tired of feeling like shit about her and Jonas. Tired of having to see them be so happy together in front of me when I was alone and hiding who I really was. Tired of having a crush on my best friend who could never return my feelings. Plus, things with my mom were starting to go to shit. Things got overwhelming and I made a bad decision.”

Even could sympathize. Although he had never been in Isak’s exact situation, he could certainly relate to life getting overwhelming and feeling like you had no control and like you were alone. He knew the bad decisions that could result from these debilitating feelings. But it still didn’t excuse what Isak had done.

“I get it, Isak. I do. You were dealing with a lot and things were tough. But that doesn’t make what you did okay. Eva trusted you. She still trusts you.”

“I know, and I feel terrible about it. I didn’t realize that things would go that far with her. I only wanted to break Eva and Jonas up because I thought it would make me feel better about things. I never wanted her to get bullied by Iben and her friends, I swear. I wish I had never done it.”

“I can tell you feel bad, baby. I appreciate you telling me and being honest about it. I know that couldn’t have been easy. But you know you have to tell Eva, right? You can’t keep hiding this from her. And I don’t want to hide it from her either. She deserves to know and she needs to hear it from you. I think you owe that to her and your friendship.” Even reached out and put his hand on Isak’s, squeezing it in comfort. This was something that had clearly been bothering for Isak for a while and he could see that Isak felt better after confiding his secret. But Even wasn’t the one who really needed to know this and Isak’s guilt would never truly disappear until he came clean to Eva.

“I know, you’re right, I need to tell her. I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. She means a lot to me. And I’m not sure that I’m ready to tell her about how I felt about Jonas.”

“You don’t have to tell her that part if you don’t want to, Isak. Just be honest about what happened with Iben. I think you’ll feel a lot better about things when you do. You can’t keep having this weight over your friendship with her. And I haven’t known Eva very long, but you may be surprised at her reaction. She’s in a pretty good place now after everything that happened at Nissen.”

“Yeah, but you’re getting ready to break up with her too, right? This is kind of a lot to throw on her all at once, don’t you think?”

Fuck. Isak had a good point there. Even though his relationship with Eva wasn’t real, their friendship was pretty codependent. Ever since Eva’s transfer, her and Even had heavily relied on each other even as they had learned to become more independent and self-assured. Not a day went by that they didn’t at least text each other and she had become one of Even’s biggest supports in his life since his breakup with Sonja. Plus, there was that steadily growing nagging feeling that Eva’s feelings for Even may no longer be purely platonic. Telling her that they would have to put an end to their fake relationship at the same time that Isak told her about what he did would definitely hurt Eva. Even would have to play this carefully, but he didn’t want to worry Isak too much either. Isak was already stressed out enough about telling Eva and he didn’t need his concerns getting worse. In addition, he wanted to tell Isak the truth about his relationship with Eva, but he was also worried about Isak’s relationship with Jonas. He didn’t want Isak to have to hide another secret from a friend. That wouldn’t be fair to add another burden to Isak. Even had to protect him from that. 

“It’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. You just talk to her first and let me take care of the rest.” Even tried to smile reassuringly, although he’s not sure it was effective based on Isak’s still-skeptical expression.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her soon. I promise. I’m ready to put all of this behind me finally. But are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“No, baby. You made a mistake, and you acknowledged that. It takes a lot to admit that and you want to make things right. That says a lot. Plus, I’m happy you feel comfortable enough with me to talk to me about this.” Even gave Isak a quick kiss to ease his nerves, smiling as Isak melted at his touch.

“You make me feel comfortable about everything.” Isak replied quietly. “Thanks for listening to me about this and being so understanding. You’re amazing. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“No, baby, you’re the amazing one. You’re so strong and it makes me sad to know that you felt so alone.”

“I don’t feel alone anymore. Not with you.”  And fuck, Even was powerless to resist this boy. He was too cute, too soft, too sweet. So Even leaned in once more and kissed Isak again, allowing himself to indulge in the moment. As Isak returned the kiss, lifting his hand to rest on Even’s neck, Even sunk deeper into the depth of his feelings, all worries about the situation with Eva temporarily gone.

_______________________________

_ evenbech97:  _ hey, have you had the chance to talk to eva yet?

_ isakyaki:  _ not yet, but she’s coming to this nissen party on friday so i think i’m going to try to pull her aside and do it there. maybe the alcohol will help her not want to kill me once she finds out. 

_ evenbech97:  _ haha, don’t worry, baby. i’ll protect you from big bad eva. but really, it’ll be okay, don’t worry.

_ isakyaki:  _ my prince charming. : ) i’m in chemistry now though, so i gotta go. talk to you later. <3

_ evenbech97:  _ enjoy class, nerd. <3

Even smiled as he put away his phone, heading to his own next class. As he made his way through the hallway, he was stopped by a hand on his arm. He turned, expecting to see Eva waiting to greet him. Instead, he was met with Sonja’s face. Even instantly felt his guard go up as he was unsure what to expect considering the hostile nature of their last conversation.

“Hey, Sonja. What’s up?” Even said carefully.

“Hi, Even. Can we talk for a moment?”

“I’m on my way to class, can’t this wait?”

“It’ll be quick. I promise.” Even nodded and allowed Sonja to lead him over to a nearby wall, away from the hustle and bustle of people moving through the school. He might as well get this over with now.

“So, what was so urgent?” Even asked, watching as Sonja bit her lip in apparent nervousness.

“I wanted to apologize. The way I talked to you during our last conversation- that wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair of me to act like no one else could ever accept you being bipolar. You’re a great person, with so much love to give, and you deserve to be happy.”

Well. This was certainly not what Even had been expecting. In the ugliness that their relationship had become at the end, he had forgotten how well Sonja actually knew him. He had forgotten her kindness and her grace. And although he knew for certain that he no longer had feelings for her, he felt a sudden ache for the days of their easy friendship.  

“Thanks, Sonja. That means a lot. Really. And I’m sorry for how everything went down between us. I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to figure things out for myself, you know? I needed to figure out how to do things on my own without having to always rely on you. And I think I’m finally getting there. Things are going well and a big part of that has to do with you. I’ll never forget how you were there for me after my diagnosis and how much you did for me.”

“Even, I helped, but you did a lot of that on your own already. You’re so strong and I admire how you never gave up. And I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. We were friends before we ever got together and I hope one day we can get back to that point.”

Even considered Sonja’s words. They had been through so much together, experienced such a wide range of emotions as both a couple and as friends. She had been his first love and had taught him so much about himself and about life. But their time as romantic partners had passed. That period of his life was over, Even knew that for sure. Looking at her, Even felt only friendly affection and bittersweet melancholy at what had once been. He wasn’t sure that they could ever return to really being friends. So much had happened, too much. But he was willing to try, eventually.

“I hope so too, Sonja. Maybe we can give it some time and see what happens? But you should know, I don’t want to get back together. I think I should be upfront about that now to avoid hurting you. I’m happy with who I’m with now.”

“Right, of course. Eva. I can see how happy she makes you, don’t worry. I’m only interested in friendship too. I know things with you are over-I’ve accepted that, finally.”

Oh yeah. That’s right. Sonja still thought Eva was the reason behind the grin that seemed to be permanently on his face these days. She had no clue about Isak. Even wanted to correct her, wanted to tell the world about Isak, but as him and Isak were not yet public, he had to maintain the current charade.

“Yeah, Eva’s great. But thanks for coming to talk to me. I hated how we left things last time.”

“I did too. There’s no need for things to be ugly between us. Anyway, I’ll let you get to class now- see you around sometime?”

“Yeah, see you around, Sonja.”

And with that, Sonja turned on her heel and walked away. Even watched her go, feeling a sense of loss at one big chapter of his life finally being closed for good. Sonja had been good for him at one point in his life. He’d never be able to repay her for all that she did for him and he’d always be grateful for their time together. But he had finally accepted that it was time to move on and embrace a new future without her. And the best part was, he was at peace with this knowledge. Meeting Isak, getting to know him, and falling for him had done wonders. Isak had shown him that it was possible for someone other than Sonja to accept him for who he was and that his mental illness would not prevent him from being happy and finding love. Even was finally ready to embrace his new life and all that came with it.

_______________________________

It was that Friday that it all went to hell. It was the first time Even had been able to see Eva outside of school since everything really began with Isak, and he was hoping to slowly begin to ease her into the idea of their fake relationship coming to an end.  They were going to another Nissen party at Noora’s place and Isak would also be there. Even was looking forward to seeing him, but knew that things would be awkward in public between them until things with Eva were finally resolved. 

Things at the party started off well. Even liked all of Eva’s friends from Nissen. They were all nice and fun to be around. When Even arrived with Eva, they greeted both of them happily before dragging Eva off to take shots with them, leaving Even alone with Eskild. Even didn’t mind. Eskild was nice and fun and conversation was easy with him. After they had been talking for awhile, Even felt his heart speed up as Isak suddenly appeared next to him, smiling shyly. 

“Hi, guys.” Isak said, blushing slightly as he made contact with Even. Fuck, Even had missed him so much and it had only been a few days since he had last seen him. He had to put his hands in his pockets so they didn’t reach out to touch Isak’s skin like they were craving to do. Isak looked so cute with a snapback on his head, his blonde curls poking out from the sides. 

“Hi, Isak! So lovely to see you again!” Eskild cheerily greeted him. 

“Hey, Isak.” Even said evenly, not wanting to appear too eager in front of Eskild lest he arouse suspicion.

“What’s up? What are you guys talking about?” asked Isak.

“Oh, Even’s just telling me about some film project he’s working on for a class. Something about a torrid and forbidden love affair between Captain America and Putin. Gripping stuff.” Eskild teased. 

“Hey!” Even said, indignant. “My film is a masterpiece. An epic love story.” 

“Really?” Isak teased, sounding disbelieving. “Sounds kind of shit to me.” 

Even huffed in mock outrage as Isak and Eskild laughed in mutual enjoyment of their teasing. Isak looked adorable when he laughed and Even couldn’t hold his angry expression for long. 

“See if I let you guys be extras on my movies once I’m a big director. I’ll remember this.” Even joked as Eskild rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, please Even. You could never leave us out of anything.” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” said Even, giving Isak a long look. Isak bit his lip as he looked back at Even, the sexual tension rising a bit. Eskild looked back and forth between Isak and Even for a moment and Even quickly broke eye contact with Isak, hoping that they weren’t too obvious. Fuck, Even really had to control himself around Isak better until he was able to break things off with Eva. 

“I need more beer.” Eskild finally said to break the tense atmosphere. “Do you guys need anything?” 

“I’m good, thanks.” Even replied as Isak shook his head no. 

After Eskild was a safe distance away, Even turned to Isak, drinking in the sight of him for a moment now that it was safe to do so. Isak seemed just as hungry to see him as he looked Even up and down. Even wanted to kiss him so bad and hated that he had to restrain myself. 

“Fuck, Isak. You look so good.  I wish I could kiss you right now.” Even whispered lowly, ensuring that no one else would overhear him. They were at least relatively alone right now, standing in a corner that was somewhat isolated from everyone else.  He reveled at the blush that appeared on Isak’s face at Even’s words. Isak was too adorable for words.

“Even, what the fuck? Why would you tease me like this when we can’t do anything about it right now?”

“I’m sorry, baby. You just look so good right now that I couldn’t resist.” 

“Ugh, you’re killing me here. I want your hands on me now.” Isak whined. Even was shocked at Isak’s boldness. Isak had been so shy when they first met, and so unsure and insecure in his own attractions. It was amazing to see Isak slowly come out of his shell little by little. 

“Soon. I promise.” Even replied. Unable to completely resist, he looked around to make sure no one was looking at them and then reached out to give Isak’s hip a quick squeeze. 

“Can’t wait.” said Isak, relaxing at Even’s touch. 

“So, are you ready to talk to Eva tonight? You said you were going to do it here?” Even changed the subject. It was no use to keep torturing Isak and himself when they were unable to do anything about it right now.

“Yeah, I’m just waiting for a good time to pull her to the side. I’m nervous, but you’re right. I need to tell her. It’s time.”

“It will be fine, Isak. And I’ll be here if you need me. You got this.” 

“I know. Thanks. Anyway, I’m going to look around to see if Jonas has gotten here yet-see you later?” Isak asked. 

“Definitely.” Even winked and laughed as Isak blushed before walking off. A few minutes later, Even was approached by Eva. She had definitely had her fair share of shots already and was stumbling a bit as she moved. He reached out to steady her, not wanting her to fall. 

“Evennnn, come dance with me.” Eva slurred at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and giggling into his chest. He couldn’t help but to laugh at his friend, but Even thought about Isak and how he would feel if he saw him and Eva together. He didn’t want Isak to get the wrong idea. 

“I’m not really in the mood to dance right now. Maybe Eskild is? You should go ask him.” Even suggested, moving to unwrap Eva’s arms from his neck. However, this quickly backfired as Eva moved to grab Even’s hand instead. 

“Please, Even? Just one song? Come on, we always have such a good time when we dance together.” 

Not giving him another opportunity to refuse, Eva tugged on Even’s hand and led him to the dance floor.  Even gave in, beginning to dance with her while simultaneously being careful to keep his hands in neutral areas. At first, it was fun- Eva was right, they really did have a good time dancing together. But as the song progressed, Eva moved closer and closer to Even, grinding her body against his own seductively. Even tried to subtly move away and put some distance between them, but that only made Eva laugh and close in again. All Even could do was laugh to play it off and hope that the song would end soon. But just as the song was beginning to wind down, Eva leaned up and pressed her lips to Even’s own before he could even process what was happening.

Even felt frantic as Eva continued to kiss him. He tried to gently pull away but Eva wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. He didn’t want to push her off and completely ruin the facade of their fake relationship and embarrass Eva in front of everyone. Fuck, things were not supposed to go down this way. He could only hope Isak couldn’t see this right now. 

Finally, after about a minute, Eva ended the kiss, smiling drunkenly at Even. He returned the smile weakly and began looking around to see if Isak had witnessed what had happened. Even’s heart dropped as his eyes found Isak. Isak looked devastated- his eyes were wide with hurt, his lips were parted in shock, and Even could even make out where Isak’s hands seemed to be shaking slightly at his sides. Immediately, Even let go of Eva and took a step forward to go to Isak. He had to talk to him, he had to explain. But as soon as Isak saw Even move, it was like he was snapped out of a trance as he turned and quickly fled the room. 

“I have to go.” Even said to Eva, who only smiled and nodded, appearing too drunk to notice the sudden shift in his mood. 

Quickly, Even went to go after Isak. He was just in time, seeing Isak hastily leaving the apartment. Even ran to follow him and managed to catch Isak on the sidewalk outside, grabbing his arm gently to get Isak to stop. At his touch, Isak angrily whipped around and Even’s heart dropped at the expression on Isak’s face. There was nothing but raw hurt there. 

“What, Even? What do you want? I think you made your point in there already.” Isak spit out as he pushed Even’s hand off of him. 

“Isak, please listen to me. I didn’t want that to happen, she just started kissing me before I knew what was going on.” 

“I didn’t see you stopping her. No, you seemed to be enjoying yourself just fine.” 

“I couldn’t make a scene in front of everyone, Isak. Please understand, I couldn’t embarrass Eva like that. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you had to see that. I feel like shit about it.” 

Looking at Isak, Even could tell that nothing he was saying was getting through. Isak still looked as hurt and angry as ever, and he had every right to be. Even had promised him that he would take care of things with Eva, and he hadn’t. He had let Isak down and it had led to Isak having to see him making out with someone else right in front of him. And so Even finally told him what he should have told him way back when they had first kissed. 

“Isak, it’s not real. The relationship with Eva isn’t real.” Even said, desperate to salvage the situation and ease Isak’s pain. 

“What are you talking about, ‘it’s not real’? It sure as fuck looked real in there when she had her tongue down your throat in front of everyone.” Isak angrily wiped away tears that had begun to fall down his face and Even felt his heart break that he was partly to blame for them. He never wanted to hurt Isak. Isak was too soft to hurt like this. 

“Eva and me, our relationship is fake.” Even blurted out. He needed Isak to understand. He had to understand. “I came up with it because she wanted to make Jonas jealous to try and win him back. And at the time, I thought it could help with my own ex too. It was just a friendly arrangement between us to try and help each other out, that’s it. It’s not real, it’s never been real. It’s only you for me, baby. I swear.”

“It’s not real? Are you sure Eva knows that? Because Jonas never even showed up at this party like he was supposed to, yet she was still all over you. How do you explain that, Even?”

Even bit his lip, unsure how to reply. Isak was right. And the worst part was, Even had known for a while that Eva’s feelings were probably no longer strictly platonic, and he had chosen to ignore it anyway. He was such an idiot. In trying to protect both Isak and Eva, he had now hurt them both.

“Listen, I don’t care if she has feelings for me like that. I care about her, yes, but only as a friend. I want to be with you. I want to tell her that our fake relationship has to end, I swear.”

“But why didn’t you tell me that your relationship with her was fake, anyway? You had me believing that I was fucking her over with a boyfriend again, not to mention how insecure I used to feel over how you might have felt about her. Now I find out it wasn’t even real this whole time? What the fuck, Even?”

“I was just worried that you’d tell Jonas, I guess. Eva’s been hurt a lot already and I didn’t want our arrangement getting back to Jonas because I know how embarrassing that would be for her. I was trying to look out for her.” Even as he spoke, Even knew he had fucked up by not telling Isak the truth about him and Eva sooner. Rather than looking sad, Isak now looked pissed. 

“Really? So you didn’t trust me? I trusted you with my biggest secrets, but you couldn’t trust me to keep one thing from Jonas?”

“Isak, I know how close you are with Jonas. I didn’t want you to have to keep hiding things from him. I get how stupid it sounds, but I swear, that’s all it was. Of course I trust you, baby.” 

Isak sighed, still looking sad and defeated. Even dared to reach out and touched Isak’s hand in an attempt at comfort. He was elated when Isak allowed it instead of pulling away again. However, his joy was short-lived as Isak began to speak. 

“I don’t know, Even. It really hurts me that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth about you and Eva. You know me, and you should have known that I would have never told Jonas something you didn’t want me to, best friend or not. I wouldn’t do that to you. And not only that, but you’ve kept delaying telling Eva despite it being clear how she’s felt about you. That hurts too. It almost feels like you’re stringing along both me and her.” 

“Baby, I would never do that. I only want to be with you, I swear. I will tell her. I will. She’s too drunk to tell her tonight, but I will tomorrow. I promise.” Even could feel the situation slipping away from him and his desperation was growing. He had to fix this.

“I just need to think about things, Even. Please let me have the space to do that, okay? That’s what I need right now.” 

Even breathed out. He felt shaky. This was the last thing that he wanted. But he had fucked up and he had to live with the consequences of his mistake. It wouldn’t be right to keep pushing Isak. He had explained, and that’s all he could do for now. 

“Okay, Isak. If that’s what you need, then I respect that. Please just know how sorry I am and how much I really want you. Only you. I will take care of things with Eva and I will be here waiting when you’re ready.” 

Isak nodded once, squeezing Even’s hand and letting it go. Even immediately felt its loss and yearned to have that point of contact back. He restrained himself from reaching out for Isak again, knowing that he had to give Isak the space that he had requested. 

“Thanks, Even. Uh, I’m going to head home now. I’m not really in the partying mood anymore. I’ll see you around.” 

“Bye, Isak.” Even replied quietly, exchanging a small and sad smile with him. 

As he watched Isak go, unwilling to return to the party quite yet, Even was overwhelmed with regret for how things had turned out. Things were never supposed to get this complicated and messed up. He had to fix things and he had to talk to Eva to take care of that situation. He could only hope that Isak would be able to forgive him sooner rather than later. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry. 
> 
> i'm ALSO sorry that this update took so long. i've had a lot going on with school and life in general. plus, this is obviously a pretty pivotal chapter and i wanted it to turn out right. hopefully i did it justice. thanks for sticking around and not giving up on me! i'm going on vacation next week, so i'm not sure how much writing i'll get done. but i'm bringing my laptop with me so we will see! i'm determined to have this story done by may so hopefully i'll be able to stick to that. 
> 
> as always, everyone's comments and kudos are so appreciated. i love hearing thoughts on this and i'm so thankful that people like it. you can come talk to me on twitter if you want, i scream over skam and all the season 4 happenings a lot, it's great. feel free to just randomly @ me to talk about this story or skam or anything! my handle is same as it is on here, pansexuaIeven with the l actually being an i. i usually try to post snippets from future chapters if i can without spoiling anything big. until next time!!


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